Sources Say Planned Bishops Conference Piss Up 'Not Going Well At All'

Sources close to the Bishops Conference of England and Wales have revealed that a giant piss up, planned to take place after Pope Benedict XVI has left the UK, has become unstuck and may yet have to be cancelled.

The piss up, organised through a high profile media co-ordinator with a proven track record in promoting abortion and Tony Blair, seemingly simultaenously, has, according to insiders, spiralled in cost well over the £5000 first estimated, to well over £25 million.

In an embarrassing turn of events, it looks like the all ticket piss up, to take place at a yet unnamed brewery, was paid for entirely by parishioners of the Dioceses of England and Wales.

According to one parishioner of St Cuthman's in Rochester, grassroots Catholic anger is growing. "This is an incredibly bad move by the Bishops," said one man, "I wouldn't miss a piss up with our Bishops for the World. What better way to get to know your Bishop than to have a few beers with him and discuss the Papal Visit which we'd unfortunately been unable to attend. I went onto the website and found loads of ways of paying for and donating to the piss up, but no way of getting an actual ticket. I'm half-wondering whether I shouldn't just turn up on the day and see what happens. After all, at least one of those beers must be mine! If I don't get in, then, well, I'll have a few cans of Skol Super outside and probably have a fight with someone, get a kebab and go home." 

Concern is growing in Catholic circles and questions remain over the competancy of Mgr Andrew Summerskill, the man in charge of the event, who critics claim must take the most responsibility for one of the most poorly organised piss ups since Christ Himself had to intervene at the request of His Blessed Mother at a wedding party in Cana.

Why, for instance, was the organisation of the piss up given to someone who charges 300 times the average going rate for media-based-booze-event-choreography than most firms? Is it just a co-incidence that the media and events management firm who specialise in huge piss ups is so close to the Blairs, when both the former Prime Minister and his barking wife have been so open in their dissent of Church teaching on contraception, the sanctity of marriage and even abortion? Why can't ordinary Catholics attend the event and have a serious word with the Successors of the Apostles about their apparent shameless lack of reverence for the Successor of St Peter, his Teaching Authority in matters of Faith and Morals and desire for liturgical renewal? Why is it that the majority of the tickets have been snapped up by the editorial team of The Tablet and the Bishops Conference's administrative team based in Eccleston Square?

One source close to the Vatican said, "We are not surprised by this news. We know that the Church is a divine institution founded by God, made up of imperfect humans, but things appear to be particularly bad in the UK. That the Bishops of England and Wales couldn't organise this event does not surprise us at all."