Little Blighters Employed By Big Brother!

7-year-old 1: "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with...G..."
7-year-old 2: "Is it graffiti?!"
7- year-old 1: "Yes!"
7-year-old 2: "Right! Well, let's shop the git!"

In the olden days, men in caps would shout at children, "Oi, you rascals! Get out from them there bins!" Now the shoe is on the other foot and the tables have been turned. Now, when mothers ask where their sons and daughters are going, they won't say, "I'm off to kick a ball around a park." No, they will say, "I'm off to shop the man at number 38 who put his recycling out on the wrong day." Mothers will reply, "Okay, sweetheart. Don't be too late for tea." I had another parking fine the other day by the way. £35. This Council, I tell you, will very near bankrupt me. I said to the traffic warden, "Please, I'm broke. Please don't do this." She said, "It's too late." I said, "I'm £_____ in debt!" She said, "Well, aren't we all?" What I should have said was, "Yes, but I'm unemployed whereas you have a flippin' job going around like a ravenous wolf seeing how many people's days you can ruin...I don't!" Funny how we always look back in hindsight at what we should have said...

If ever I'm up in court thanks to some little member of Nazi Toddlers, I won't hold back in the dock...

"Why, you little s**t! I know where you live! Oh boy! I've got friends you know! Oh yes, and they'll give you a Chinese burn you'll never forget! Oh yes! Mark my words..."

According to the Daily Mail:

Children as young as seven are being recruited by councils to act as 'citizen snoopers'. The 'environment volunteers' will report on litter louts, noisy neighbours - and even families putting their rubbish out on the wrong day. There are currently almost 9,000 people signed up to the schemes. More are likely to be recruited in the coming months. Controversially, some councils are running 'junior' schemes which are recruiting children.

After basic training, volunteers are expected to be the 'eyes and the ears' of the town hall. They are given information packs about how to collect evidence, including tips about writing down numberplates, which could later be used in criminal prosecutions.

Luton Borough Council's Street Seen scheme encourages its 650 volunteers to report 'environmental concerns'. It is also recruiting 'Junior Street Champions', aged between seven and 11. Primary schools could also be involved within two years. Similarly, Islington Council in north London has recruited 1,200 'Islington Eyes' to report crime hotspots, fly-tipping and excess noise from DIY.

Volunteers are given a list of things to do when confronted with fly-tippers, including taking photos 'without being seen'. Last year the council undertook a recruitment drive for youngsters aged nine and above, called Junior Eyes. Children are given special books to write down reports on littering or graffiti in their schools, which they then send to the council. [Junior Stasi is fun, kids!]

A spokesman for Islington town hall said: 'It's not possible for the council to see what's going on in the borough at all times [create a total surveillance society], so our 'Eyes for Islington' are a great help, reporting issues such as dangerous footpaths, fly-tipping ["This is Timmy. Over. Computer being left outside number 29. Over. Brown hair, small nose, jeans, messy hair. Over. Seems like a troublemaker. Over."] and graffiti.'

Welwyn Hatfield Council in Hertfordshire has given its 13 volunteers hand-held computers to take photographs of problem areas. The information is then uploaded to a map of trouble spots. Overall, a total of 8,442 volunteers have signed up at 17 councils in England. Other councils are set to follow their example and set up their own networks of volunteers.

They say the scheme helps them find out about problems which they might not know about otherwise. But critics are worried the schemes could easily be abused and encourage a 'Big Brother society' [No? You don't say...] The move comes as local authorities dish out £100 fines to householders who leave out too much rubbish or fail to follow recycling rules. [Click here for full article...]