Eight-Minute Review: Commando

I want you to look at the above picture and draw your own conclusions about Commando. Seriously.

I'm not even going to bother with a conventional review format here. This is a film which really speaks for itself. Arnold spouts an endless stream of dumb-ass one-liners ("Let off some steam, Bennet!") as he shoots, punches, hacks and, erm, steam-pipe spears his way through hundreds of goons. Rae Dawn Chong is onhand as comic relief and a nominal love interest, Dan Hedaya plays a would-be Pinochet and Bill Paxton has a bit part. More ammunition is spent in the final gunfight than was fired in both World Wars combined, an action scene that's awesome in its sheer carnage and ridiculousness in its, er, versimilitude to reality.

It's hard to tell whether or not this is all earnest, but who the fuck cares? It's a fun action movie of the most brainless sort imaginable, and just what I needed whilst waiting for the Super Bowl (which we'll not discuss further). Nothing like Arnold wasting hundreds of losers while spouting off gems like: "You know how I said I'd kill you last, Sully? I lied!"

Oh, and he eats ice cream and pets a fucking deer with his little girl.



Seriously.