Photo Competition

Which of these pictures has been doctored?

I see that on Friday 13th September, just a matter of days after fitting up Fr Ray Blake good and improper, The Argus ran this piece, again by Bill Gardner, on 'homeless people injecting bath salts during deadly poke parties.'

Will that be the 'messy' poor again, Bill?

Is shame a completely alien concept to The Argus? It would certainly appear so!

1st prize for the competition will be an evening trapped in a cage underwater at the Sea Life Centre, Brighton, with Bill Gardner, surrounded by some rare breeds of shark and a small school of pirhanas.*

2nd prize is an meal for two at Harry Ramsden's Fish and Chip Shop at the Marina with reporter Bill Gardner. **

3rd prize is a free copy of The Argus signed personally by a now infamous rogue journalist who handed in his conscience and his principles when he obtained his NCTJ certificate and who currently makes his living off fitting up Catholic priests for money and sadistic pleasure.***

*Should you win this prize, you may come to believe that you are in a cage with an unusual predator as well as facing them outside of the cage and require a round of counselling after the event. You may well be right but That The Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill accepts no responsibility should you come out of the experience requiring psychological help because you came face to face with an unexpectedly horrifying and bloodthirsty creature inside the underwater cage.

**Should any Catholic win this competition, metal cutlery will not be provided, instead the use of the small, wooden fork will be encouraged. Regardless of your religious affiliation, it is advised that you do not open your heart to the now infamous journalist, nor converse with him, since he will most likely misrepresent you in his next feature for The Argus and diminish your reputation in the public eye. That The Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill accepts no responsibility should the reporter drag your name through the mud within a week of your mealtime chat at Harry Ramsden's.

***You may wish to use the free copy of The Argus to ring around the advertisers found therein and advise them not to bother with this visciously anti-Catholic newspaper. That The Bones You Have Crushed May Thrill accept no responsibility for the loss of revenue that may be incurred by this appalling local rag, riddled from beginning to end with amateur journalism and a lack of noteworthy content, but for its blatant hypocrisy.