Dawkins 'Worse Than Child Abuse'

'Mummy, its the guy who defends infanticide!'

With just days remaining for the people of the United Kingdom to buy more stuff for friends and family, only for the goods to be sold on Ebay in January, celebrity atheist, humanist and Royal Society place man for the destruction of Judeo-Christian values in the West, Richard Dawkins, has again caused controversy by suggesting that being raised a Catholic is 'worse than child abuse'.

A quick survey undertaken of children being dragged kicking and screaming around Bluewater Shopping Centre by parents, however, has revealed some deep misgivings some youngsters have over Dawkins and his atheistic philosophy.

Jemima Brown, aged 9, of Ashford, upon seeing the above picture of Richard Dawkins, burst into tears and commented, "Mummy, mummy, look, its that eugenicist Dawkins! The one who advocated infanticide with Peter Stringer on YouTube!"

Bluewater Shopping Centre, Ashford, Kent

Another Kent child, Robin Woods, aged 10, commented, "Will this be the Richard Dawkins who divorced his second wife, with whom he had a child, only to marry an actress? Is he aware of the impact of divorce upon children? The parents of many of my friends are divorced and it sent them all screwy."

A traditional Catholic child in the region, Immaculata Perpetua Anastasia Lucy Brown, Aged 8, who describes the Novus Ordo Mass as "the paperback Mass unworthy of a place in the bestsellers" said of Dawkins, "Look into his eyes and you'll see behind them the fiery abyss itself! Make sacrifices for sinners, especially atheists, who serve the devil and try to drag souls into Hell! Pray the Rosary! I'm only 8, but even an 8-year-old can understand that if God doesn't exist there is no real point in getting out of bed in the morning since life has no meaning."

From out of the mouths of babes, indeed. A security guard outside Mothercare, who was raised Catholic, but has lapsed for a long time from the Church, found time to share his thoughts. Mark Forrester, aged 42, said, "Look, if this guy carries on like this, I might contemplate going to midnight Mass this year. I've been manning this branch of Mothercare for years and sales are not doing so well as they once were. It is obvious that, despite an economic recession, if the parents are contracepting all the time and aborting their children that this will have an impact on the whole society and even the economy. When I was young, nobody, not even a Priest, ever mentioned the existence of Hell to me. I'm not sure the Church believes in such things anymore. Perhaps if I was told Hell was real, and that there was a chance of going there, I might even consider praying or going to Church instead of looking up online pornography whenever I'm not at work. I never married, perhaps because I see sex and relationships as personal gratification. What message does Dawkins have that will bring me hope? Not much, I'll garner!"

Dawkins promotes 'The Magic of Reality'

A grandparent, Mrs Andrea Sparks, aged 72, found time to speak, "I don't believe but I love the magic of Christmas. With the season of goodwill to all men underway and Christmas being literally everywhere, perhaps Mr Dawkins feels that he has to make some kind of anti-Christian message from his liberal media throne. Is his latest book, 'The Magic of Reality', not selling, or something? He must feel edgy because he knows the Pope will be delivering a Christmas message about a little baby born in a manger who the Catholic Church teaches was and is the Son of God. That's a powerful message - whatever you believe -  that a Saviour was born in order to save people from sin, death and ultimately Hell. I guess Dawkins doesn't like it because not only would he need saving, but the message of Christ and the Beatitudes runs completely contrary to the message of Richard Dawkins. Perhaps he is some kind of weird anti-Christ. Wasn't that King Herod guy who killed all those children an atheist?"

An atheist child, Robert Spine, aged 14 was garrulous on the issue.

"I don't believe in no god, no devil, no Heaven or Hell, but I've got Catholic friends. I think they're bats**t insane but they don't ram it down my f***ing throat and I don't ram my beliefs down their throats either. You've got to respect these f***ing nutters and, anyhow, their parents are always kind to me. I don't think they tell their f***ing kids they are going to burn in Hell. My friend's mum volunteers for the SVP and helps at the local soup run. I suppose Richard Dawkins will be feeding the homeless in an atheist soup kitchen this Christmas, right? Yeah, right! T***er! And he's a Nazi."

Robert Spine, aged 14, preferred not to have his face showing for the camera

"I don't believe in Jesus but I don't believe in Dawkins either. His new book is a bag of s***e. I read it before I sold it on after I nicked it from Waterstones. He thinks all kids are f***ing autistic and want to know 'how' everything happens. Even I, who do not believe in God, would like to know 'why' we are here! No f***er told me that, nor showed me much love but kids I know fostered by Catholics get love. This c**t's worse than child abuse! Worse than children homes, indeed!"

"At least people who believe in Hell will also believe in 'love your neighbour' and try to avoid Hell by doing so. A bit more of that 'love your neighbour' s**t and the World might be a happier place. Maybe if more people believed in Hell, there would be less child abuse. If more people believed in Hell, maybe fewer children would be taken into care by social services and dumped into institutions where they get f***ed over. Maybe if more people believed in Hell, the Nazis wouldn't have created a living Hell for Jews and gypsies and sent people to death camps, fuelled, as it was by social Darwinist bulls**t and hatred."

"Dawkins believes in nothing but himself. The c**k is in love with himself. I don't claim to know it all, but if there is a Hell, that charlatan is going there. The man simply has no respect for others. Come to Bluewater Shopping Centre, Richard and you'll see loads of kids just wandering around without parental supervision often causing mayhem. Why do you think these shops need security guards, for f***'s sake!? N**head! If the National Secular Society want me as a member, then they should sack this Dawkins t**t. He's a liability. But then, hey, I guess they wouldn't want me anyway! Anyone who thinks giving a child moral instruction and upbringing is child abuse obviously hasn't been raped by his step-dad. Stupid f***er! Anyway. If you'll excuse me, I need to raise some money for some weed so I'm off to nick some s**t. Might raise enough for some crack at the end of the day. Saturday, innit, so gonna' get wasted! Cheers for the chat. Laters. Come on, lads, let's do this thing. Anyway, I reckon Bluewater's Santa is a f***ing paedo...Merry Christmas!"

Finally, another child, Sharon Hastings, aged 8, a fan of Dawkins said, "Go, Richard, go. Anyone who believes in sky fairies is demented. Cretins! Mummy, how will Santa come down our chimney when we don't have a chimney? Pleeeeease let Santa bring me more stuff. I want, I want...Richard Dawkins's new book! What time does the grotto open? Can we post my letter to Lapland? Let's buy some mince pies for Santa! Yippee!"

It is not expected that Richard Dawkins will apologise for offense caused to Catholics in the United Kingdom, but one Catholic mother in Bluewater, Doreen Stubbs, aged 32, said. "And I wish a very merry Christmas to you too, Mr Dawkins." Doreen said she hoped that over Christmas the wonder of the birth of Jesus would 'touch his heart' and help him to see that it is the "season of goodwill". "It's hard enough", said the mother of four, "finding the spirit of Christmas in all this commercial madness, but it would be nice if Mr Dawkins observed at least some kind of Christmas Truce".

At this point, several shoppers at Bluewater inexplicably broke into song and began celebrating the season of festive cheer that we know as Christmas. Happy Christmas, Mr Dawkins and to all your Royal Society chums!