Bandolero!

Bandolero! (1968) is one of Andrew V. McLaglen's better films, which is sort of like picking your favorite disease. It's passable entertainment for a lazy afternoon, and nothing more.

A gang of outlaws led by Dee Bishop (Dean Martin) try to rob a bank in Valverde, Texas, but are foiled by Sheriff July Johnson (George Kennedy). On the day of their hanging, they escape with the help of Mace (James Stewart), Dee's brother disguised as a hangman. They also kidnap Maria (Raquel Welch), the feisty widow of a man killed in their hold-up, and she and Dee fall for each other. The gang, with Sheriff Johnson in pursuit, drifts southward into Mexico, hiding out at a ghost town and arguing over their next course of action. Meanwhile, some Mexican bandits randomly show up and there's a big shootout or something.

Andy McLaglen is one of Hollywood's great hacks, who spent his career aping much better directors (Ford, Siegel, Peckinpah), making sequels to classic films (Return to the River Kwai, The Dirty Dozen: The Next Mission) and generally proving himself talentless. He was a favorite of John Wayne, and is responsible for the glut of bill-paying garbage in the Duke's later career (Chisum, McLintock!). Other "highlights" include the Dirty Harry rip-off Mitchell, accorded a spot on Mystery Science Theater 3000, Shenandoah, a dull mediation on pacifism, and The Last Hard Men, a blood-spattered reworking of The Searchers. Despite his oft-star studded casts, he mostly got by on being Victor McLaglen's son and a buddy of the John Ford crowd.

Bandolero! is one of his least-painful efforts, lazy though it is. It has some nice shootouts and pretty scenery to commend it, but it distinctly lacks substance and quality. After a fine opening forty-five minutes, the film meanders terribly, coasting on its stars and the occasional shootout. A treacly sibling rivalry, the Sheriff's unrequited love for Maria, and some "outlaws past their time" babbling drag on until the final scenes. The big shootout is well-staged, though it seems a convenient way out of a plot that was going nowhere in a hurry. Jerry Goldsmith's cheesy faux-Morricone score is one of his worst efforts.

The film also has some all-time bad dialogue, much of it supplied by Raquel Welch. Welch is mostly a looker anyway, but she's really bad here in a useless role. She spouts such gems as "This is the first time I've been in my country since I've left," and screams hysterically as bullets fly around her. George Kennedy gets into the act too, marvelling at the outlaws: "Bishop. You're brothers. Well, listen up, brothers!" The Wild Bunch it ain't.

The fine cast is mostly coasting. James Stewart is fine, playing Mace in Anthony Mann mode, but Dean Martin (Rio Bravo) and George Kennedy (Cool Hand Luke) are obviously going through the motions. Some veteran character actors populate the cast, contributing little: Denver Pyle (The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance), Will Geer (Jeremiah Johnson), Harry Carey Jr. (Three Godfathers), Dub Taylor (Bonnie and Clyde).

What more is there to say? If you have absolutely nothing to do with your next 104 minutes, by all means check out Bandolero! You could a whole lot better, but you could also do worse. Hooray mediocrity.