Armond White: His Life in the Dark

The Caucasian Armond White

A long time ago I blogged about the wonders of Armond White, everybody's favorite imbecile contrarian critic. Recently he published a piece about The Sandler Memo, where he accused everyone who dislikes Adam Sandler of engaging in a massive conspiracy against him. Why?

Hating Sandler gives people the delusion of sophistication; thinking they actually have standards, they pretend to disdain vulgarity. This pretense hides from cultural truths like teacher-student impropriety, fan boy mania and wilder incongruities. Donny and Todd’s estrangement gets to the deeper issue of self esteem. (How it might be conveyed through parenting as much as heritage–also the theme of the Wayans Brothers’ underappreciated Little Man.) ... If That’s My Boy fulfilled its potential it would resemble a vintage class-based melodrama like Stella Dallas.

Read that again. That's My Boy = Stella Dallas. It's a whole new paradigm... of idiocy brilliance.

In related news, check out this piece about Robert De Niro's worst movies. Clearly they missed Rocky and Bullwinkle's remarkably prescient satire of 21st Century media and the blurred line between reality and fiction. By which I mean Armond needs to go swimming with piranhas.