Opium of the Masses

A new poll by Catholic Syringes suggests it is neither...

A recent poll undertaken by a controversial group campaigning for the legalisation of smack, Catholic Syringes, has found that neither opium, nor religion is the opium of the people.

In answer to the question, 'Is Mass the opium of the masses, or is it opium or something else entirely?' the poll showed that 99.8% of British people find neither to be the opiate of choice.

The famous quote from German economist, Karl Marx, that religion is the 'opium of the masses' has, since the 20th century, been widely suspected of being entirely false, but the new Catholic Syringes poll suggests that these suspicions are well founded.

The top 50 opiates of the masses, according to the controversial poll, are as follows. The place of heroin and religion are marked in bold, orange to indicate the level of priority they take in the lives of ordinary British citizens.

1. Keeping abreast of the lives of celebrities online
2. Facebook/#Twitter/Other social networking sites
3. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
4. Money
5. Career
6. Coffee
7. Tea
8. Wines and spirits
9. Beer
10. Cigarettes
11. The internet in general
12. Sexual experimentation
13. Divorce
14. News and current affairs
15. Artificial contraception 
16. Indian and Chinese takeaways
17. Fashion/new clothing
18. The BBC 
19. Lifestyle magazines
20. New developments in laptop technology
21. Mobile phone 'apps
22. Online dating
23. Musical downloading 
24. Masturbation
25. Online pornography
26. Coronation Street 
27. Abortion
28. Football and 'transfer gossip'
29. Cocaine 
30. Blogging 
31. Tomato Ketchup
32. The NHS
33. Not settling down with one 'partner' for life
34. The inordinate love of the welfare State
35. Fish and chips
36. Woman's Hour
37. Hating foreigners
38. Different cheeses
39. Sunday Roasts
40. Communism (aka Equality)
41. Marijuana
42. Anti-aging creams
43. Political gossip
44. Sky TV
45. IVF
46. Programmes presented by David Attenborough or Brian Cox
47. Eastenders
48. Political activism
49. Heroin 
50. Religion

A spokesperson for Catholic Syringes said of the poll, "We found these results very surprising, but then, we were out of it while the results were coming through".