"So you want to become a priest?"





Is this the first question the would-be seminarian hears when he attends the initial interview with his Bishop (prior to the water boarding interrogation by the Director of Vocations).

How should one behave at such an awe inspiring session with that most jovial of men, the Bish?

Here are a few notes that will aid the applicant and ensure success:

1. Enter the room confidently and take the Bishop's hand firmly before kneeling and kissing his ring.

2. Before the interview commences ask if His Lordship would join you in praying for a while in silence.

3. Make certain that your Latin Mass Society membership card is discreetly poking out of your breast pocket, also, hold your Rosary in one hand.

4. Answer the following questions as follows:

4a. Q. "Are you or have you at any time been a student of Latin?
 A. "Quisnam mihi?"

4b. Q. "Do you believe in de-centralisation of Church authority?"
 A. You must be joking My Lord, placing more control into the hands of the Bishops? You're having a laugh aren't you?

4c. Q. "How would you comment on The Tablet's current editorial?"
 A. You are a one Bishop, now I know you're having a laugh"

4d. Q. "So you want to dedicate your life to supporting and counselling your parishioners always guided by your parish council?
A. "No, I just want to save souls My Lord"

4e. Q. "Sum up, briefly, in three words,  the message that the Church should be making to the world"
 A. "Pray, Repent and do Penance"

4f. Q. "But that's five words you right wing conservative reactionary"
 A. "OK but who's counting fatty?"

4g. Q. "Listen you  pious little swine, give me one good reason why I should approve of your lacy cotta, incense smoke induced hallucinations?"
A. "Because I believe that God is calling me to be a priest My Lord"

4h. Q. "That's enough you Latinist scumbag, get outta here before I release the Diocesan Dobermanns"
 A."I'm going but could you direct me to the nearest FSSP or ICKSP Mass centre?"

(Bishop faints at this stage and has to be revived by his secretary flapping an old copy of The Tablet under his nose - at last, a use for this mag!)