Cutting Your Own Hair

I just cut my own hair. Is this a sign of...

a) Vanity?
b) Poverty?
c) Eccentricity?
d) Stupidity?

Answer: Mostly b. I can tell you one thing for nothing...I'm keeping my hat on! The hardest bit is the back of the head. My hair has been getting long and I've sure I have been causing scandal when altar serving. Also, it felt so heavy and was becoming very irritating, so it just had to go.

For those who want to try it. Here is a quick guide.

Step 1: Get some scissors.
Step 2: Find a mirror.
Step 3: Just snip away and see what looks good.
Step 4: Then once you think it looks reasonable, keep obsessively snipping and experiment. Remain unsatisfied and keep snipping until you look ridiculous, safe in the knowledge that even though you look silly, you've saved yourself ten bob and cannot blame the hairdresser.
Step 5: Get another mirror and show yourself the back of your head. Ask yourself whether you like it. Nod politely, because being English you'd never want to put yourself out of your way or cause offense or inconvenience.
Step 6: Keep going back to the mirror and regret having tried something so audacious repeatedly.
Step 7: Resolve never to try it again.
Step 8: Hoover up the hair on your bathroom floor.

Anyway, now a word from our sponsors, Flowbee, the Precision Home Hair Cutting Device...