Question: "How are Conservatives Going to be Whipped?!"

Answer:  In a racy, black, leather number, by the looks of things. Watch these astonishing two clips of 'family man' David Cameron losing his cool with the Martin Popplewell of Gay Times, presumably a significant leader of a vociferous political lobby. Mr Cameron appears to be deeply uncomfortable with this interview, perhaps because he has the unenviable task of keeping not negligible traditional Conservatives happy while courting the not negligible 'pink vote'. In what appears to be a social bracket now much like the elderly, the disabled or just plain old C1, the 'gay community', according to Martin Popplewell, vote en masse as a singular body for the political party they think will benefit their agenda the most, rather than, say policies on, well helping the elderly pay heating bills.



Popplewell asks the questions and Cameron is left utterly floundering. It is fascinating and reveals quite clearly that David Cameron, for one, far from being an adherent of the 'gay rights' philosophy, is just fishing for votes amid an ocean of fish, many with competing views.

The Gay Times journalist asks, rather arrogantly, "Why should we ("Ding-Dong. This is a flight announcement for all gays. Please would you make your way to the lobby now. Yes, that's right, even you quiet ones in the closet.") vote for you, if you don't vote for us." Talk about the gay mafia! These guys are holding poor David Cameron hostage! It's a wonder he hasn't woken up with a gigantic, pink, 'My Little Pony's (TM)' head in his bed!

When asked the simple question as to whether 'gay rights' votes will be, under his stewardship of the country, free votes on matters of conscience, or official Tory policy for which the whole Conservative party would be whipped, he mumbles and frets before stopping the interview and starting again, only to mumble and vacillate more, before finally uttering those dreadful words which will echo around the House of Commons and which he will most probably live to regret: "...under those conditions the party would probably be whipped."

Oh dear! That'll go down well in Conservative Clubs all across the country, won't it!? Honestly, David. Just say it!

"Listen up, you guys have been running the show for a long time now. We repeal Section 28, you want civil partnerships. We give you civil partnerships and you want gay marriage with confetti, bells on and the Queen herself at every 'blessed' union while the age of consent is lowered to 9. It's about time you chaps put your todgers away and started thinking with your brains rather than your 'members'. This country is a country for everyone and that includes families, who, actually, still make up the majority of society and without whom society would either implode or cease to exist entirely. We've changed the Conservative Party so much for you. Heck! We've even got Tory MPs now who are 'out and proud' rather than in and getting bribed and yet you still want more! What do you want from us?! Blood! I'm starting to wish we'd just left you alone dodging coppers in the bushes, because, quite frankly, if I had thought 20 odd years ago that I'd be sitting here being interviewed by you now and you'd be telling me that the entire community you represent, the size of which is not neglible will only vote for me if I force my now morally barren party to vote for your anti-family, sexuality-driven agenda, I'd have voted to never let your incessantly meowing cat out of the bag! Indeed! I'd have drowned the over-sexed little kitten in a bucket!"

Go on, Dave! You tell him! Someone has to...