(500) Days of Summer

I try to be as open-minded a filmgoer as I can. I can enjoy a good melodrama, classic romcom or romantic epic as much as my usual fare of Westerns, war-movies and crime flicks. Heck, there are even some musicals I like. But there are some kinds of film I just plain despise: the modern romantic comedy and posturing hipster slop being two of them. And whaddayaknow, (500) Days of Summer (2009) manages to take the most annoying traits of both subgenres and create a film that, for me at least, is beyond obnoxious.

Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a frustrated architect who works for a greeting card company. He falls for Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel), a particularly cute co-worker who shares his taste in music. At first their relationship is almost idyllic, but Summer's refusal to commit to a relationship starts to aggravate Tom. Their relationship goes through a rollercoaster of emotions until Tom learns a shocking secret that finally ends their contact.

Basically, (500) Days of Summer regurgitates every trope of the aforementioned genres. You've got your Everyman hero stuck in a job he hates; the aggressively "quirky" love interest; lots of references to indie music; the precocious, potty-mouthed little girl (Chloe Moretz) who's wise beyond her years; and a karaoke scene. For the artsy crowd, you've got bizarre fantasy sequences, faux-pretentious narration and a lengthy homage to Ingmar Bergman to masturbate over. Really it's the same old slop in a shiny new package, cliches, gags and tropes that were tired ages ago. Despite stylish and creative imagery, the contents are empty and shop-worn.

This might be okay if our leads were remotely likeable, but no luck there either. Tom is a boring archetype, the loser with an unappreciated talent etc. The whole movie builds to a cringeworthy, facile quitting scene so obvious it's insulting. Summer is even worse: she's the ultimate magical quirky girl who screams "I AM SO COOL AND OFFBEAT!" from the hilltops; well, no, she screams "Penis!" in a park like a hipster Peggy Hill. Of course we get a lengthy bit of narration explaining how awesome and stuff she is, but I'm not sold on a character whose sole purpose in life appears to be to shock people; ultimately she's little more than a repressed poseur's fantasy. Regardless of how "realistic" they are, I would smash their skulls with a 2X4 were I ever to encounter them in real life.

Mostly though, I'm tired of "loser screenwriter fantasy #4,502," where a faux-Hollywood "nerd" gets to bone an impossibly hot girl. This seems to be the plot of every movie Hollywood releases nowadays, from Transformers to Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, and I'm sick of it. (500) Days deserves some credit for its occasional poignance and bittersweet ending, but for the most part it's another recycling of a tired fantasy even more obnoxious than the potty-mouthed little girl.

In absolute fairness, there are a few things to like here. Marc Webb provides some interesting direction with occasional inspired moments: the lengthy "Expectations vs. Reality" sequence is especially novel. Certain bits of Tom's post-breakup moping are highly relatable, especially his awkward encounter with Summer on the bus; I've been there. And the leads put the full force of their charm into their characters: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is endearing a star-making turn, and there are moments where the pretty Zooey Deschanel doesn't inspire projectile-vomiting. Overall, though, these bits aren't worth slogging through 95 minutes of drek to find.

So yeah, (500) Days of Summer is clearly not for me. Aside from the puerile script, unlikeable leads and complete lack of originality, though, it's really not that bad.