Crisis? What Crisis? Move Over Boys, the Lesbishops have Arrived!

"A lesbian bishop, you say? Now that is kinky!"

The Times' Ruth Gledhill reported yesterday that, 'the Archbishop of Canterbury warned today that the election of a lesbian bishop in the United States raises "very serious questions" for the entire Anglican church.'

Why does it raise 'very serious questions' for the entire Anglican church? Surely, this is just logical progression? I've done some quick maths (not my strong point, I know) but I think this just about works out:

Anglican Communion + Astronomical Heights of Navel-Gazing = Openly Big Gay Priests

Anglican Communion + Openly Big Gay Priests + Intense Beard-Stroking = Lady Priests

Anglican Communion + Openly Big Gay Priests + Lady Priests + 'Um-ing' and 'Ah-ing' = Lady Bishops

Anglican Communion + Openly Big Gay Priests + Lady Priests + Lady Bishops + Cream Tea Mornings = Openly Big Gay Bishops

Anglican Communion + Openly Big Gay Priests + Lady Priests + Lady Bishops + Openly Big Gay Bishops + Generous Helping of Tolerance Crumble with Runny Yellow Custard = Openly Big Lesbian Bishops, Total Farce and Sudden Rise in Applications from Transgendered/Cross-Dressing/Ladyboys of Bangkok community for the Anglican priesthood.

I think this just about sums up the state of the Anglican Communion.

Six Doctors 'Swim the Tigris'

The Daily Mail today reports that...

Six doctors who believe government scientist David Kelly was murdered have launched a ground-breaking legal action to demand the inquest into his death is reopened. They are to publish a hard-hitting report which they claim proves the weapons expert did not commit suicide as the Hutton Report decided.

They have also engaged lawyers to write to Attorney General Baroness Scotland and the coroner Nicholas Gardiner calling for a full re-examination of the circumstances of his death. The doctors are asking for permission to go to the High Court to reopen the inquest on the grounds that it was improperly suspended. If Baroness Scotland rejects that demand, or the court turns them down, their lawyers say they will have grounds to seek judicial review of the decision.

So, dum-de-dum-de-dum...

...If he was murdered, the questions are how, why, who, when and what? What did he know and what was he about to say? Who ordered it, who knew about it and who acquiesced? When was it decided that he needed to be silenced and why...? Well, that's the eternal question, isn't it? But had he lived, perhaps he would have said something about the non-existence of weapons of mass obstruction to war. Many people have been 'crossing the Tigris' since the Iraq war, suggesting that the river just gets murkier, darker and more sinister, the more you try and discover the truth of the events leading up to the dodgiest war in living memory. Tony Blair seems to be laying low at the moment. That's probably for the best...

New Brighton LGBT Society

Well, enough of this Climate Change b*llocks. What with the PM, Gordon Brown weighing into the debate with Ed Miliband and denouncing anyone who doesn't buy the official line that the 'science is settled' (now that its been fiddled), as a 'flat-Earther', it doesn't look like it matters who says the forthcoming global warming reign of terror is a manufactured crock of sh*te, the powers that be are going to do what they want anyway, regardless what the critics say, even if some of them are eminent climatologists.

Instead, I've decided to divert my energies to prayer and Mass attendance...alright, just Mass attendance. For even if the globowarmistas don't understand that only prayer, penance and beautiful liturgy can save the World, at least we Catholics do. Who knows, perhaps we can even do penance on behalf of these lying, population-reducing scumbags. It is with this in mind that I've taken it upon myself to set up a new LGBT society in the heart of Brighton.

We LGBT people have for too long been disregarded. After all, the Catechism of the Catholic Church states categorically that no discrimination should be shown to us and our plight should be treated with respect, dignity and compassion. Therefore, Brighton is now resident to the first Latin, Gregorian, Benedictine and Traditional (LGBT) society.

It is free to join and anyone can become a member. Our mission statement reads as follows:

We are an umbrella organisation standing up for the rights of those in the Christian community who for too long have faced unjust discrimination in their regard.

• Latinians, made famous by the island of Latbos, near Italy, just want to show their love for God and worship Him as they feel He should be worshipped, in spirit and in truth, using the language most sacred and holy in His Sight. For too long, the Latinians have felt suppressed by the Church community and many feel the sense of 'forbidden love' in the current Church structure. One important figure who is on their side is Pope Benedict XVI, gloriously reigning, who allowed the Latinians to express their desire for God through the Latin Mass, by issuing the Motu Proprio, encouraging Bishops and Priests to liberate the Mass of Ages.
• The Gregorian community, on the other hand, have faced similar discrimination to the Latinians, sometimes more severe, with their 'inordinate desire' to praise God through the medium of chant. Many in the Church feel that this is an 'instrinsic disorder' and that God should be praised through the use of electric guitars, drums and one man dressed in a leotard playing a tuba. While the LGBT group respects those who enjoy this form of worship, if not the form of worship itself, we demand the right to be able to give due reverence for God in the Blessed Sacrament and praise Him in a worthy manner as did the Saints of old in Gregorian Chant.
• The Benedictine community are a group of Catholics who rejoice at the Pontificate of Pope Benedict XVI, raise awareness of his outstanding efforts to restore the liturgy of the Church to its former glory and reign in the excesses of those who flagrantly disregarded well over 1500 years of Holy Tradition when the 'windows of the Church' were opened in the wake of Vatican II, only to let in a load of flies. The Benedictine community have suffered unjust discrimination from such publications as The Tablet, liberal Priests, Bishops and celebrity Laity, as has their figurehead, Pope Benedict XVI. The Benedictine community show due loyalty to the Holy Father, read every encyclical he writes and defend him in pubs and on blogs when he says something about condoms, while everyone else puts the boot in.
• The Traditional community are those who feel they struggle with their identity within the Church and who, for nearly 50 years have found it difficult to be accepted. The Traditional community hold as sacred the Tradition of the Church, the communion of the Saints, the lives of the Saints, honour the Blessed Mother of God, the Sacraments of the Church and strive to live in communion with Church teaching. They abhor heresy, are pro-Life, proclaim firmly the importance of the maleness of the Priest and his sacred role as mediator between man and God.
  

We, the LGBT community of Brighton believe our voices have been unheard for a long time and it is time the Church listened to us, that Bishops and Priests pull their fingers out and liberate the Latin Mass, that reverence is shown to the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar and that the liturgical abuses taking place within Holy Mother Church are mitigated by courageous men who are loyal to Our Blessed Lady, Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Church as built upon the Rock of St Peter and his successor, Pope Benedict XVI.

Cataclysmic Climate Change Condoms Conspiracy

"Ireland, 18 points! Well done, Ireland! England, 13 points. Oh well, this is more interesting than Eurovision..."

St Mary Magdalen altar server and all round good egg, Andrew has sent me this piece from The Telegraph. I'm reminded that the Italian Cardinal Giacomi Biffi cited in an article once that "the Antichrist presents himself as a pacifist, ecologist and ecumenist". The Telegraph reports...

The Optimum Population Trust, backed by Sir David Attenborough, believes that contraception is the cheapest means of preventing climate change, arguing that every £4 spent on family planning over the next four decades would reduce global carbon dioxide emissions by more than a tonne. Comparatively it would cost £8 for tree planting, £15 for wind power, £31 for solar power or £56 for hybrid vehicle technology before a tonne was saved, according to a cost-benefit analysis done for the group. The group, also backed by Sir Crispin Tickell, the former diplomat, and environmental campaigners Jonathon Porritt and James Lovelock, believes that 80 million pregnancies each year are unwanted, and the use of contraception would help cut this figure.

This article makes me want to get on the lift up to the top of the eco-flats where I live, break wind, have a barbecue using finest coal, spray deodorant into the atmosphere and shout, "B*stards!". Just in case anyone believed that it was humanity that these people cared about, or the future of civilisation, then here is a list of quotes made by some of the most influential people in the climate change/population destruction movement. For more of these delightful quotes click here. My responses in orange, bold.

“Isn’t the only hope for the planet that the industrialized civilizations collapse? Isn’t it our responsibility to bring that about?”
- Maurice Strong, founder of the UN Environment Programme
[Er...No.]

“Global Sustainability requires the deliberate quest of poverty, reduced resource consumption and set levels of mortality control.”
- Professor Maurice King
[What a git!]

“Humans on the Earth behave in some ways like a pathogenic micro-organism, or like the cells of a tumor.”
- Sir James Lovelock, Healing Gaia
[People aren't a cancer. People like you are. Anyway, 'Healing Gaia'?! What are you some kind of eco-friendly warlock!?]

"A reasonable estimate for an industrialized world society at the present North American material standard of living would be 1 billion. At the more frugal European standard of living, 2 to 3 billion would be possible."
- United Nations, Global Biodiversity Assessment
[Charming. I've heard of 'town planning' but this is one step too far.]

"One America burdens the earth much more than twenty Bangladeshes. This is a terrible thing to say in order to stabilize world population, we must eliminate 350,000 people per day. It is a horrible thing to say, but it's just as bad not to say it."
- Jacques Cousteau, UNESCO Courier
[Even to think it, surely condemns you in the eyes of God.]

“If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.”
- Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, patron of the World Wildlife Fund
[If, on the other hand, you should ever find yourself burning in Hell for all eternity, you'll change your opinion, I'm sure.]

"Childbearing should be a punishable crime against society, unless the parents hold a government license. All potential parents should be required to use contraceptive chemicals, the government issuing antidotes to citizens chosen for childbearing."
- David Brower, first Executive Director of the Sierra Club
[No, childbearing is natural. It is eugenics that should be a punishable crime against society.]

“We need to get some broad based support, to capture the public’s imagination… So we have to offer up scary scenarios, make simplified, dramatic statements and make little mention of any doubts… Each of us has to decide what the right balance is between being effective and being honest.”
- Stephen Schneider, Stanford Professor of Climatology, lead author of many IPCC reports
[So, doubts about the IPCC's trustworthiness are well and truly unfounded then!]

"We've got to ride this global warming issue. Even if the theory of global warming is wrong, we will be doing the right thing in terms of economic and environmental policy."
- Timothy Wirth, President of the UN Foundation
[Read: "If we have to, we'll lie through out teeth and use propaganda."]

"The earth is literally our mother, not only because we depend on her for nurture and shelter but even more because the human sepcies has been shaped by her in the womb of evolution. Our salvation depends upon our ability to create a religion of nature."
- Rene Dubos, board member, Planetary Citizens
[Nope! Our salvation depends on God alone and people who make a religion of nature are usually satanists, wiccans or occultists.]

Crackin' eh? These are the people who are in control of the climate debate and unfortunately nearly all of them despise people and see people as a 'cancer' upon 'mother earth'. Hardly, 'made in the image and likeness of God' stuff is it? Looks like things are about to get very, very messy. Furthermore, I would not expect the United Nations's investigation into 'Climategate' to be very thorough, given the views of so many high-ranking 'eco-warriors' on this issue. With men like that in such positions of power and influence, Heaven help us all! These guys make the architects of the French Revolution appear as cherubim near the Throne of God. 'Why is a Catholic blogger writing furiously about climate change?' I hear you cry. Well, the ideology that is being espoused by people with power and influence makes it sound like the worst heretics in history are running the show, which ultimately means tears and bodybags.

New Labour...New Heights of Poverty

The Telegraph today reports...

Poverty in Britain is at a nine year high, says Joseph Rowntree Foundation report. The gap between rich and poor is at its highest for nearly 10 years, a report says today.

The study by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation found that the gap between the haves and have-nots started growing in 2004, long before the recession began. The foundation's report found that the number of people living in "low income" households was now 13.4 million, the highest level since 2000 when it was nearly 14 million.

A low income household is one that lives on less than 60 per cent of the average UK household income in the year in question - after housing costs and council tax. For a family of four it is £14,560 a year.

The annual report into poverty in Britain also found that nearly one in eight people of working age are out of work - the highest proportion since Labour came to power in 1997. Repossessions were now back at the level they were in 1994, the study said.

This report is a damning indictment of New Labour. They came to power claiming that they would be a party standing up for the poor, citing child poverty as the great scourge of the UK. They will leave power having overseen the rape of the very people they claimed they would help.

Kill Bill Vol. 1

Quentin Tarantino spent 1997 to 2003 coasting on his critical reputation. By the time he came back with his two-part Kill Bill, critics were salivating over the latest work of the wunderkind who gave us Pulp Fiction and Jackie Brown, and Tarantino's ego had concurrently swollen to Himalayan heights. Unfortunately, due to these factors, Tarantino didn't seem compelled to make a film that continued the creative storytelling, stylish direction and clever use of filmic references that made his earlier films a treat. Instead, with Kill Bill he goes for pure cartoonish kitsch, creating a blood-spattered, nonsensical waste of time that has little appeal for anyone not a confirmed Tarantino fanboy. The critical adulation this film has garnered is beyond me; I guess some people are really just gore mavens at heart.

A mysterious woman known only as the Bride (Uma Thurman) is the only survivor of a brutal massacre at an El Paso wedding chappel. We learn quickly that she is part of the Deadly Vipers Assassination Squad, a group of elite hired killers led by Bill (David Carradine), her fiancee, who double-crossed her, leaving her for dead and killing her unborn baby. Now the Bride begins a blood-soaked vendetta against Bill and his treacherous henchmen, including Tokyo mob boss O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu), semi-retired Vernita Green (Vivica A. Fox), the one-eyed Elle Driver (Daryl Hannah) and the fatalistic Budd (Michael Madsen).

Kill Bill is intended as a stylish homage to the '70s exploitation excrement that Tarantino so cherishes, including Bruce Lee and Shaw Brothers martial arts flicks, slimeball spaghetti westerns, and (God help us) Billy Jack. Unlike his earlier works, which used these films as a touchstone for creative and original stories, Tarantino just restages scenes from said films with odd style flourishes and endless fountains of spurting blood. Kill Bill doesn't give the impression, as does, say, Jackie Brown, of a director creatively weaving homages into the fabric of a solid film; it seems like a lazy, self-indulgent director, his ego swollen to galactic proportions by critical praise and fanboy adulation, forcing us to share in his warped memories of a childhood watching schlock. But that's just me.

Tarantino's direction is fine on a technical level, with some interestingly-staged fight scenes and creative cinematography by Robert Richardson, but the movie is pretty much all action and there's no real set-up to any of the set pieces, only the faintest glimmer of plot and no drive or energy to speak of. The ridiculous amounts of fake blood, showy in-scene style changes, over-the-top, ludicrously hardboiled dialogue and non-stop action scenes may be intentionally cheesy, but that makes them no more enjoyable to me. Yeah, QT, I'm glad you've seen a lot of Shaw Brothers flicks, and that you have the soundtracks to Twisted Nerve and Death Rides a Horse on your iPod, but that just makes your film a two-hour game of Scene It. A good movie would creatively use said homages rather than throwing them at the viewer, something you once knew, but seem to have forgotten (a conclusion cemented by the similarly onanistic, if more enjoyable, Inglourious Basterds). But when you have an infinite number of fanboys and fawning critics sucking your dick, I suppose none of that matters, eh wot?

Uma Thurman does what she can with a one-dimensional part, making the Bride a force of righteous anger and making the action scenes (almost) believable. Lucy Liu gives perhaps a career-best turn as O-Ren Ishii, a character who actually is developed (largely through a lengthy anime scene) and makes a strong impression. Vivica A. Fox (is it a coincidence that the film features two of the stars of Batman and Robin? Probably, and not a very interesting one either) does well in a small role, though David Carradine, Daryl Hannah and Michael Madsen are left out to dry. Asian actors Sonny Chiba, Chiaki Kuriyama and Chia Hui Liu make an impression, and the lovely Julie Dreyfuss acquits herself well in a thankless role.

Kill Bill Vol. 1 is a load of self-indulgent excess, and excrement of the most fetid variety. It's entirely possible that Part 2 is an improvement, but I would argue that's no great achievement. Part of me can appreciate Mr. Tarantiono's engaging in showmanship for showmanship's sake, but the greater part of me wishes he'd do something genuinely worthwhile.

Venice in Flood Shock!

Parts of Venice have been hit by flooding in what climate doom-mongerers say is 'conclusive proof of global warming'. Luigi Smelifishi (pictured above) said, "I've lost everything. All I have now is this seabass from my fridge. It was all I could retrieve." Silvio Berlusconi meanwhile has declared a state of national emergency saying, "I haven't been laid for three whole days! Also, my heart goes out to Venetians at this sad time."

A spokesperson for the reputable and highly esteemed University of East Anglia climate research department said, "Our data show clearly that this is a first. According to our data, Venice has never been flooded before. This is proof if ever it were needed that the sea levels are rising and amounts to conclusive proof of global warming."

When asked to hand over the department's data for rigourous scientific scrutiny, the spokesperson said simply, "No can do, I'm afraid! We shredded it a few days ago."



Obama's 'Science Czar', John Holdren, on seeing this photographic evidence of the historic floods in San Marco's Piazza said, "For Heaven's sake! Will nobody help these poor creatures?! Just look at the misery on their faces! This is all our doing! Together we can stop this tragedy! Here, take this suicide pill for yourself and have your daughters sterilised as soon as you can."