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| Bishops appreciate a subtle approach |
I may be wrong but, it seems to me that Bishops, post Vatican II are more accessible, more 'user friendly' inasmuch that you may meet them at the parish fete, the annual parish visit, on the occasion of the Sacrament of Confirmation being conferred or, at the golf club.
And, when you do meet them, they are less tied up with things spiritual and far more worldly than their counterparts fifty years ago. Hmmm.
So, if you wish to gain a few Brownie points with your local 'Bish' and convince him that you are the best thing since EMHCs, here are my top ten ploys:-
1. Don't kneel and kiss his ring upon meeting him - Bishops are far too humble for that treatment
2. Never write to him. Bishops dislike receiving letters from their flock. Sheep can't write is their philosophy, so forget it (you won't get a reply anyway).
3. Do not address your Bishop as 'My Lord', instead call him plain 'Bishop' or, even, 'Bishop Reg' (assuming that 'Reg' is his Christian name).
4. There is a litany of words that must not be mentioned in the presence of a Bishop, these include: "Rosary, Latin, Extraordinary, Benediction, Altar Rails and Magisterium" (there are more but these are the important ones).
5. Ask him to adopt a charitable cause of your choosing; high on the popularity list are groups such as the Marxist Catholic Association and the LGBT Rainbow Liturgy Society.
6. Encourage him to appoint a Diocesan Liturgical Artist who will produce some beautiful meaningless posters in pastel colours that nobody will understand.
7. Inspire him to open a Twitter account and to read the Tweets of his priests and deacons (especially the deacons).
8. Suggest that, as his 60 or so parishes offer Masses in Chinese, Tamil, Tagalog, Polish and Latvian, the addition of Swahili and Lakota would be much appreciated. You will find him only too pleased to comply.
9. Invite him to organise some Clown Masses - the smell of greasepaint does things to Bishops.
10.
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