Hello Boys
It's me again, your beloved Archbish, your NBF (how about that for a bit of being with it eh?).
Well, here we are in the midst of the summer break and our Sunday Mass attendances are at an all time low....it's the hot weather, of course, nothing to do with, umm, er, you know, the one who must not be named.
We all know that he doesn't exist and that we all have a bad as well as a good side to our character.
Well, that's quite enough theology for one ad clerum!
Now for more important matters.
I am rather concerned to see that my pal Peter in Southwark, has no less than ten secondary schools who proudly boast a Muslim Prayer Room on their premises.
Ten Catholic schools with Muslim Prayer Rooms! Disgraceful!
This is nothing short of scandalous and I will not allow this situation to continue.
Please extract your digits and get some Bulinga schools equipped with the same.
Chuck in a few prayer mats, washing facilities and an arrow on the wall, that sort of thing...anything for the ecumenical cause.
Speaking of schools, please ask your chaplain lasses to get focused on more of the jolly old liturgical dancing and tell them to forget any of that Latiney stuff, that's for weirdos.
And while I'm on the subject of Latin, I have noticed what I call 'Latin creep' in some parts of this glorious diocese; some parishes on the outer fringes are promoting EF Masses on alternate Wednesday afternoons (when there's and 'r' in the month), at 2.45pm.
Please, boys, please stay focused.
We have our Indian Masses and our Chinese Masses, no one can take those away from us, so we don't need to go all retro and pretend that we are all holy joes (or josephines, I hasten to add. I am nothing, if not inclusive).
And, speaking of inclusivity please take some time to learn the equality for all version of the Lord's Prayer so carefully written for us by the diocesan artist, Ms Lilith O'Flannery, here it is again, just to jog your memories:-
Please note: The above missive is a work of pure fiction and the product of a fevered mind!
It's me again, your beloved Archbish, your NBF (how about that for a bit of being with it eh?).
Well, here we are in the midst of the summer break and our Sunday Mass attendances are at an all time low....it's the hot weather, of course, nothing to do with, umm, er, you know, the one who must not be named.
We all know that he doesn't exist and that we all have a bad as well as a good side to our character.
Well, that's quite enough theology for one ad clerum!
Now for more important matters.
I am rather concerned to see that my pal Peter in Southwark, has no less than ten secondary schools who proudly boast a Muslim Prayer Room on their premises.
Ten Catholic schools with Muslim Prayer Rooms! Disgraceful!
This is nothing short of scandalous and I will not allow this situation to continue.
Please extract your digits and get some Bulinga schools equipped with the same.
Chuck in a few prayer mats, washing facilities and an arrow on the wall, that sort of thing...anything for the ecumenical cause.
Speaking of schools, please ask your chaplain lasses to get focused on more of the jolly old liturgical dancing and tell them to forget any of that Latiney stuff, that's for weirdos.
And while I'm on the subject of Latin, I have noticed what I call 'Latin creep' in some parts of this glorious diocese; some parishes on the outer fringes are promoting EF Masses on alternate Wednesday afternoons (when there's and 'r' in the month), at 2.45pm.
Please, boys, please stay focused.
We have our Indian Masses and our Chinese Masses, no one can take those away from us, so we don't need to go all retro and pretend that we are all holy joes (or josephines, I hasten to add. I am nothing, if not inclusive).
And, speaking of inclusivity please take some time to learn the equality for all version of the Lord's Prayer so carefully written for us by the diocesan artist, Ms Lilith O'Flannery, here it is again, just to jog your memories:-
Our Person
who is out there somewhere
respect to your name.
We want your sovereign state to arrive
And for your most of your intentions to be considered and,
possibly, complied with,
Please donate some organic wholemeal bread today;
And overlook our rambling on other people's property
As we turn a blind eye when people wander into our gardens;
and help us overcome our lack of re-cycling and usage of fossil fuels
But help us out when it comes to climate change,
Aperson.
Brilliant! So....so....inclusive.
I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome five young men of the diocese who have been interrogated as being suitable candidates for our seminary.
Welcome lads, I know we will get along just fine (provided I don't catch you with rosary beads in your pocket or kneeling to receive holy communion).
Well, chums, as the charcoal of time splutters to ashes, and the thuribles of destiny grow cold, it's time for me to sign off and to wish you all well.
So, until your next AC - tatty bye!
++ NBF
Please note: The above missive is a work of pure fiction and the product of a fevered mind!
No comments:
Post a Comment