Mills and Boon goes Latin

"Samantha had been looking forward to Sunday all week.

As the parish choreographer she had led her small group of 'maidens' in creating a special dance in honour of the patron saint of the parish, St Knobbly, and they had been practising their twerk routine for what seemed like ages.

Arriving at the church Samantha felt her heart miss a beat.

Something was wrong, very wrong.
Someone had reversed the altar so that Fr Reg would have his back to the people. Samantha let out a gasp; there was smoke coming from the sacristy, could the church be about to be engulfed in flames?

And then, he appeared and Samantha instinctively knew that she would be safe in this man's hands.

He moved from the hips up and Sam felt a sudden surge of blood to her face as she blushed uncontrollably.

Who was this tall stranger with grey flecked eyes and lean jawed features?

 And why was he wearing a cassock and cotta?

"Hi" he said casually. "Are you looking for somebody?"

"I think I have found him" said Samantha, looking at him from lowered eyes and feeling very pleased that she had put on that new foundation make-up delivered by Pickfords, the day before.

"I'm the thurifer" continued the broad shouldered server, "sorry if the smoke alarmed you".

"Not at all" cooed Samantha. "I like a man who smokes but I thought that Lucifer was supposed to be bad?"

He threw back his head and laughed showing a set of even, white teeth.

"That's very good" he said. "But excuse me while I arrange the sanctuary for the Missa Cantata"

"Th-th-the Missa whatta?" stuttered Samantha, her mind racing as she thought that she knew all of the latino dances but this one did not ring a bell (or, did it?).

"We are having a Solemn High Mass" this morning, said the server. "With three priests, Fr Blogfinegan, Fr Sexton and Fr Harry from 'oop north'".

Samantha felt as if a cold hand was clutching at her heart. "B-but where are you from" she managed to gasp out.

"Me?" said the server, "I'm LMS".

"What?" "Does that mean Lean, Manly and Strong?" asked Samantha hopefully.

"No, you little fool. It stands for Latin Mass Society.
Today is the day that the Latin Mass returns to St Knobbly's, on his great feast".

"You brute!" exclaimed Samantha as she ripped the thin, flimsy lace from his broad, manly chest.
"Does this mean no dancing on the sanctuary and no more Special Holy Aunties of the Eucharist?"

'Fraid so" said the server, your twerking days are over, there's a whole world out there just waiting to be rediscovered. Why don't we step into the future together, who knows, you might even come to love Latin".

"That's true" thought Samantha as she snuggled into the coarse black cloth of his cassock.

"Maybe the Latin Mass does have something to offer that is bigger than both of us".

With apologies to Mills and Boon.