Ad clerum from Bulinga Fen Archdiocese

Hello Boys

It's me again, your beloved Archbish, your NBF (how about that for a bit of being with it eh?).

Well, here we are in the midst of the summer break and our Sunday Mass attendances are at an all time low....it's the hot weather, of course, nothing to do with, umm, er, you know, the one who must not be named.
We all know that he doesn't exist and that we all have a bad as well as a good side to our character.

Well, that's quite enough theology for one ad clerum!

Now for more important matters.
I am rather concerned to see that my pal Peter in Southwark, has no less than ten secondary schools who proudly boast a Muslim Prayer Room on their premises.

Ten Catholic schools with Muslim Prayer Rooms! Disgraceful!

This is nothing short of scandalous and I will not allow this situation to continue.

Please extract your digits and get some Bulinga schools equipped with the same.

Chuck in a few prayer mats, washing facilities and an arrow on the wall, that sort of thing...anything for the ecumenical cause.

Speaking of schools, please ask your chaplain lasses to get focused on more of the jolly old liturgical dancing and tell them to forget any of that Latiney stuff, that's for weirdos.

And while I'm on the subject of Latin, I have noticed what I call 'Latin creep' in some parts of this glorious diocese; some parishes on the outer fringes are promoting EF Masses on alternate Wednesday afternoons (when there's and 'r' in the month), at 2.45pm.

Please, boys, please stay focused.

We have our Indian Masses and our Chinese Masses, no one can take those away from us, so we don't need to go all retro and pretend that we are all holy joes (or josephines, I hasten to add. I am nothing, if not inclusive).

And, speaking of inclusivity please take some time to learn the equality for all version of the Lord's Prayer so carefully written for us by the diocesan artist, Ms Lilith O'Flannery, here it is again, just to jog your memories:-

Our Person

who is out there somewhere

respect to your name.

We want your sovereign state to arrive

And for your most of your intentions to be considered and, 

possibly, complied with,

Please donate some organic wholemeal bread today;

And overlook our rambling on other people's property

As we turn a blind eye when people wander into our gardens;

and help us overcome our lack of re-cycling and usage of fossil fuels

But help us out when it comes to climate change,

Aperson.

Brilliant! So....so....inclusive.

I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome five young men of the diocese who have been interrogated as being suitable candidates for our seminary.

Welcome lads, I know we will get along just fine (provided I don't catch you with rosary beads in your pocket or kneeling to receive holy communion).

Well, chums, as the charcoal of time splutters to ashes, and the thuribles of destiny grow cold, it's time for me to sign off and to wish you all well.

So, until your next AC - tatty bye!

++ NBF

Please note: The above missive is a work of pure fiction and the product of a fevered mind!

If the menu is blank how do you know what's on offer?

It's not "off" it just isn't there!

Can you imagine sitting down in a restaurant and being handed a menu that has gaps in the listings?

Ridiculous!

But this is what is happening in the Catholic Church at both Diocesan and Parish levels.

So many parishes that offer an EF Mass one Sunday (or Wednesday) per month do not actually show it on the church notices.

Look on the website of the parish or diocese and more (or, rather, less), of the same.

The Latin Mass is not apparent so it does not exist..........and most Catholics believe that to be the case.

So, a visitor to the region, on Googling his or her chances of finding a Latin Mass, is left with the impression that none exist. Shame.

It is shameful that some Diocesan websites totally ignore the fact that the TLM is celebrated in a few of the parishes and one cannot but arrive at the conclusion that those in authority want it to be like that so that, starved of oxygen, the patient will die or, at least, appear to die.

At the time of the 'excommunications' of the SSPX Bishops in 1988 I recall some impromptu legislation that was laid down by some Bishops with regard to the Latin Mass.

No broadcasting of its venue or timings was permitted. It could not take place on a Sunday and children should be discouraged (so it had to be held at 5pm just when they were preparing to begin the evening ritual of tea and bed).And it should not take place on the main altar but in a side chapel.

And people rejoiced when apartheid came to an end!

But, the answer to this thorny problem lies within our grasp; we must be most un-British and.....COMPLAIN........LOUD AND CLEAR (but, always with Christian courtesy).

Complain to the parish priest, to the Bishop, to the webmaster, the parish council and, finally, to the local paper if you cannot get justice.

But, above all else, complain.