Mean Girls

Having nothing but a few rewatches this week (Slumdog Millionaire and The Nun's Story), I'll turn back the clock to two Wednesday's ago and review Mean Girls. We had to watch this film for, of all things, the Emerging Leaders program to study different types of power and leadership (oh, BROTHER). It about lived up to my expectations, which is that it's the same banal, overly clever and not very satisfying teen movie that we've all seen five million times before. The praise doled out to this is from certain corners is baffling - indeed, almost as baffling as that damned Juno. But at least Mean Girls didn't get a slew of Oscar nominations, so it's less offensive in this regard.

There are very, very few teen-oriented movies that I genuinely like; in fact I can't think of one that I do. I might have a small degree of affection for something like Footloose or Ten Things I Hate About You but there tend to be mitigating circumstances, be it nostalgia or otherwise, for such opinions. Maybe it's because I was an outsider who flitted in and out of the various "cliques" and social groups that Hollywood insists exists, but I've never found much any Hollywood or TV portrayal of high school and its various inner workings to be even remotely accurate, perhaps because most such films are written and directed by out of touch fifty year old Hollywood producers.

Such is the case with Mean Girls. For all its alleged posturing as a hip, funny (what?) and insightful view of high school cliquery (?), it's really the same exact film as everything from Clueless to Breakfast Club to Ten Things I Hate About You to She's All That repackaged in a snarky bundle. Granted, I never possessed a vagina, but I think I have a decent idea of how high school works. Clearly, however, Hollywood does not.

The film's plot involves Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan), a teen who has spent most of her life abroad in Africa with her scientist parents. She arrives at a regular high school and finds it completely baffling. She soon finds some friends in outcasts Janice (Lizzy Kaplan) and Damian (Daniel Franzese), but soon becomes fascinated by the "plastics", a group of ultra-cool girls led by the nasty Regina (Rachel McAdams) who are worshipped by everyone for their perfect looks, fashion sense - and their control of gossip and other secrets which would doom the student body. At Janice's urging, Cady infiltrates the Plastics and begins to undermine them, only to find herself becoming exactly like them.

The film adheres almost slavishly to the confines of its genre. New girl struggling to fit in? Check. Introduction to all of the different arbitrary cliques of the school (which I swear to God happens in every one of these movies)? Yessir. Blatantly artificial and obnoxious "witty" dialogue a la Diablo Cody? You bet your ass. Likeable if obnoxious nerdy kids? Yep. Quirky but largely ineffectual adults? Check, and then some, although Tim Meadows' flustered principal and Amy Poehler's hopelessly out-of-it "cool mom" get many of the film's best moments. So all that's in place, plus its share of gross-out, sexual and pratfall humor that belie any claims of wit, as well as the usual cartoonish hyperbole that makes the film as realistic as Star Wars. When the student body degenerates into outright warfare over the publication of Regina's diary, you know the film has lost it; even the film of Harriet the Spy didn't go THAT far. The movie doesn't even address the hell of being different or social in any meaningful way; Cady goes almost immediately from outcast new kid to cool in-girl to outcast everyone hates, with no room in between.

It's a pity, as the movie does have a few ideas that (almost) make it work. The characterization of Cady, at least in the early going, is an interesting wrinkle that the film deserves credit for. Her descent into Plasticity is well-written and a creditable bit of character development by screenwriter Tina Fey. (The use of Lizzy Kaplan's damaged and vengeful Janice character, as the tool who brings about Cady's transformation, is quite clever as well.) But then the movie ruins it with her cartoonishly-depicted fall, her predictable "redemption" and obnoxiously overwrought "I've learned the error of my ways!" speech at the prom. (Yes, the movie ends at a prom. So does every teen movie on Earth, you know.) The movie may try to snark its way around it, but the fact remains that it squanders its good idea for the sake of the usual cliche "We all dance happily together" conclusion that makes me wretch. This movie doesn't have bite, it has saccharine gumming, and it skips out completely on its potential.

The actors do creditable work. Lindsay Lohan does a nice job with Cady's inner turmoil and character development. Of the evil "plastics", Lacey Chabert's clueless and sexy Gretchen is by far the most enjoyable to watch, though Rachel McAdams is the typical bitch queen you'd expect from this sort of film. I do also like Lizzy Caplan's turn as Cady's emotionally damaged friend Janice, though Daniel Franzese's gay caricature is just annoying. The adult performances of Tina Fey, Tim Meadows and Amy Poehler contribute nicely around the edges.

I guess I'll admit that I'm being unfair to the extent that I'm judging such a film due to realism/plausibility. But I'm also judging it for entertainment value, and there's precious little of that here, too. If you're in the target audience, the musings of a pompous, stuck-up wannabe film buff like myself won't much matter. For the rest of us, though, Mean Girls is yet another mediocre entry in the "What Hollywood thinks of teens" genre - and doesn't even begin to get right.

Rating: 5/10 - Mediocre