Tony Blair has clinched a deal in a dramatic 11th hour meeting with Pope Benedict XVI for the teaching of the Catholic Church, Her structure and the Papacy itself to be given a radical overhaul.
The chief concessions the Holy Father gave to Mr Blair were as follows:
1. The Catholic Church is to be renamed The Tony Blair Faith Foundation.
2. Condoms all round policy and for a condom factory to be based at the heart of the Vatican.
3. The promotion of homosexuality round the clock, all priests to be given sex changes so they are women priests, a transitionary process to usher in a wave of fresh priestesses, called 'Blair's Babes' when the transgendered priests have died out.
4. Impressed by the smooth transition of power and the 'agreement' made between Blair and Brown, the Pope is to hand the reins over to Blair in 'a year or two'.
Humbly, on his part, Tony Blair too made concessions, stressing that aspects of the Sacraments Life of the Church would not be altered in practice, since he would get some of his advisors working on new methods by which he could transubstantiate at any time, in any place he wants around the world and that he would eventually, within a year or two, have developed the technology to be able to ensure that all Priests stood 'in persona tony' in all aspects of priestly life. He entrusted the guidance of the Church to the Blessed Cherie, Mother of the Church and the World.
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