"$250 million cuts an awful lot of family ties."

This past week has brought two interesting (if not encouraging) bits of news for Western fans starved for another quality oater. Apparently the surprise success of True Grit last winter got Hollywood suits thinking, which is never good. From the Coens' success, they gleaned an infuriating lesson: not just to make more Westerns, but to produce remakes of classic Westerns.



First we'll address the news that Tony Scott is planning to remake The Wild Bunch. The project's been mooted periodically in the past - a few years back, Training Day screenwriter David Ayer was preparing a modern-day version - but the recent success of a certain Coen Bros. film makes this one more likely to occur.



Now, let's succinctly state what's wrong here. The Wild Bunch is an unquestioned masterpiece of the Western genre, and Sam Peckinpah's finest film by a mile. Even if it's remembered mostly for its graphic, stylized violence, it's also a remarkably intelligent and poignant film with thematic depth and character richness matched by few other oaters. Even if a great director were attached to remake it, it would be an exercise in futility.



Tony Scott is a competent director who's made a few good movies (Crimson Tide), some bad ones (The Taking of Pelham 123 remake) and a lot in between. Most recently, he directed Unstoppable, a fun if forgettable popcorn film. But making decent action films and thrillers is not the same as making a great Western (see James Mangold and 3:10 to Yuma). It would be one thing if this were an obscure, mediocre oater, but a movie that's widely considered among the genre's best? Come on.



We can feel slightly better at the news that Disney has shelved its long-mooted update of The Lone Ranger. Reports are that the project was approaching a staggering $250 million budget, and some nervous Disney execs pulled the plug after seeing Cowboys and Aliens flop.



How, you may wonder, could a Western possibly cost more than Avatar? Well, we should note that the film would have been brought to you by the makers of Pirates of the Caribbean: director Gore Verbinski, writers Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio and star Johnny Depp. So you could expect a lot of elaborate, over-the-top action, computer effects and thrill ride goofiness.



And werewolves.



I'm not reflexively opposed to remakes. True Grit is a superb template for future use: take an original film that's good but flawed, work out its kinks and put a new spin on it. And God knows I'm always happy to see a new Western, even if few of the genre's recent outings have been worthwhile.



But these ideas are just rotten from their cynical inception. Just the idea of Tony Scott remaking The Wild Bunch is repugnant. On the other hand, I might be interested in a Lone Ranger film if it didn't have goddamned werewolves. Both evince piratical Hollywood behavior at its worst: cashing in on an existing name property without any understanding of why it's so revered.



What's next, pray tell? Stagecoach directed by Michael Bay? Will Smith in Joe Johnston's The Man from Laramie? The Rifleman starring The Rock as Lucas McCain, Vampire Hunter?



But hey, if the alternative is "original" Westerns like Cowboys and Aliens and Jonah Hex, maybe remakes aren't such a bad thing.