Are chickens the new sheep?

Old English Game bantam cockerel - a traditional breed

If Christ walked the earth once more, would he still use sheep as a metaphor for mankind or, would he now choose chickens as being more appropriate?

I notice that many Catholic bloggers, like myself, keep poultry.

It is a good occupation, the hens provide eggs, and manure, eat grubs and give a lot of joy to the young (and the old) when they hatch out a clutch of eggs.

My particular preference is for a breed called Old English Game, a rather sparky sort of bird that will have a go at anything.
They are about the size of a pigeon; if they were as big as a labrador you would need kevlar body armour and a taser gun (not a Taize gun) every time you went out to feed them.

I was most chuffed recently when my priest told me that, when he was younger, he, also kept what we old hands call 'OEG' bantams.

They do, however, cause me some considerable problems and, if it is not too much of a leap of imagination, I often regard them in the same light as the laity in the Church today.

The flock is one but they tend to split up into factions and, quite often, little spats arise.

They are hard to guide. You cannot herd them, they all like to claim independence.
When I go to lock them up for the night, safe from foxes, badgers, stoats and other wild beasties, they shoot off in every direction but the one I wish them to go in.

Some even disregard my shepherding and the safety of a pen and roost out in the trees.

This group I call the Econe flock.

Others try to be all things to all chickens and breed indiscriminately, laying their eggs out in the hedgerow where I can't find them but the fox and the magpies can.

They eat more of their fare share of corn and fight off others who try to peck at the same trough.

These I call the CINOs (Chickens in name only).

They are inconsiderate and snarky and I have unwholesome visions that involve me wringing their necks.

And occasionally, just occasionally, I find a few who are meek and obedient and appear grateful for all that I do for them.

I treasure these ones greatly.....but I can't for the life of me think of a suitable designation for them (?)

Just what sort of a Catholic are you?

Want to know if you are a traditional Catholic, a liberal or a reactionary, misguided omadhaun?

"Umm....maybe I'm in the omadhaun category"

Take this test that will tell you precisely where you stand in the Church.

Left, right or centre.

Please check through from 1 to 12 selecting one option from each numerical unit.

Each point is a question based on an action, preference or belief:-

 1a) Prefer to receive Holy Communion standing and in the hand
 1b. Receive Holy Communion kneeling by mouth
 1c) Sitting in a circle and passing the Body of Christ around

2a) Dislike electric candles

2b) Have an affection for felt banners in church

2c) New age incense and Buddha sticks are your thing

 3a) Mass with clown priests and fancy tricks turns you on
 3b) You inhale deeply when the thurible passes by

 3c) Dancing on the sanctuary holds a certain fascination for you

4a) Latin is the universal language of the Church
4b) Inclusive language in all things man sorry! person

4c) Any language is OK (as long as it’s not Latin)

5a) Reserve hair and nail clippings just in case you become a saint

5b) Believe that we all go to heaven (apart from Adolf Hitler and a few others)

5c) Want to come back to earth as a butterfly

6a) Like Mass in churches that are rectangular with stained glass

6b) Prefer Masses in round churches round like a distorted spaceship

6c) Adopt a ‘let’s do it here’ approach as to where you attend Mass

7a) ‘‘Shine, Jesus Shine"

7b) "Faith of Our Fathers"

7c) "I wish I was a Wriggly Worm"

8a) Pray quietly with joined hands

8b) Hold the ‘invisible beachball’

8c) Wiggle your hands in the air whilst ululating

9a) Read the missal version of the kiss of peace
9b) Go for the full on lips approach

9c) Give your neighbour in the pew a bear hug

10a) Debate on the concept of hypostatic union in the pub

10b) Have difficulty in naming the seven sacraments

10c) Don’t know what a sacrament is

11a) Read The Catholic Herald
11b) The Catholic Times
11c) Remove old copies of The Tablet for re-cycling

12a) Drink vanilla and peach tea
12b) Red wine or real ale

12c) Alcohol free lager shandy

Now, here is the analysis of your scores:

If you answered as follows (1b/2a/3b/4a/5a/6a/7b/8a/9a/10a/11c/12b)

Then, congratulations, you are a true blue, traditional a Catholic - an asset to any parish.

We recommend:

Keeping on the path you have selected, the following steps will help you:-

a) Break into Salve Regina at the top of your voice when in the bank or supermarket
b) Ask your priest if he will drop the Lakota Mass and replace it with a Latin one.
c) Knee in the groin any professional parish 'greeter' who meets you outside church

However, if you scored read as: (1a/2b/3c/4c/5b/6b/7a/8b/9c/10b/11a/12c)

You are definitely in the liberal category (hard luck). You probably also favour women priests, married clergy and believe that mortal sin died the death some few minutes before Vatican II sat for the first time.

We recommend:

a) Buy a copy of the Catechism and memorise it
b) Say the following line before you climb into bed each night: "Dogma is unchangeable, the Catholic Church is our authority" - repeat this several thousand times.
c) Take more exercise - try touching the floor with your knees regularly.

And, finally, if you scored as follows:- (1c/2c/3a/4b/5c/6c/7c/8c/9b/10c/11b/12c)

You are a misguided omadhaun and need to purify your system, start by drinking five gallons of holy water a day and then:

We recommend:

a) Attend regular colonic irrigation sessions, North Korean style
b) Burn all unCatholic possessions such as buddha place mats and photographs of your bishop.
c) Cancel your liturgical dance classes and take up plainchant

And, should you fall outside of all of those categories, then, sorry, but you are on the wrong bus.

We recommend:

a) A do it yourself lobotomy kit comprising one club hammer and a cold chisel

And, if you conduct point a) successfully, you will be relieved to know that there is no point b) or c).

It's not that I'm paranoid......

....but someone's out to get me!

Oh no! Not the limp lettuce leaf...anything but that....please!

Observant readers may have noticed the rapid decline of my voting poll in the sidebar. Four days ago, the tally was 140 souls who had voted, virtually all utterly opposed to Muslim Prayer Rooms in Catholic Schools.

Roughly 5% were in favour (who they?) I think I can guess.

Now, my poll has been snaffled, hacked, got at, knobbled......the votes have disappeared and only a few voters are appearing, something like 10, (sniff!).

I am, of course, not pointing a finger at any individual or coven group. It might well have been a blip on Blogger, who knows?

But, in the light of approaches that have been made to me, it may be worth repeating my new mantra, that names of signatories will not be revealed to any person other than their Graces, Smith & Mennini.

I know that quite  few Catholic teachers have signed up, considerably distressed at what is going on.

I know that the forces of greyness would not hesitate to bring influence to bear to persecute these good people.

It is an irony, is it not? That Catholic persecution in the western world today, is undertaken by those in authority within the Church and their insipid feminist hangers on.

On the plus side is the fact that, being attacked by these people is rather like going three rounds in the ring with a limp lettuce leaf!

If you have not done so, please sign by leaving your name in the comment box or by emailing me on r.collinsassoc@btinternet.com

And - if you don't know what all this is about, please visit my more recent posts.

Funny old world

                                     Liberal Catholics wail and shriek

During the reign of Pope John Paul II, liberal Catholics would wail and shriek that they were in the grip of a traditional conservative who wanted to stamp out all that was warm and cuddly in the Faith.

Now, they look back with affection at Blessed John Paul II and recall "the good old days" while they wail and shriek that they are now in the hands of a traditional, conservative, Pope Benedict XVI.

Just wait till we get a real, conservative, traditional pope a la Pope
St Pius X......then we could all wail and shriek.

A pledge for modern Catholics?

There is much written about how so many Catholics today have either forgotten the basic facts of the Faith or consciously erased them from memory.

                                               Body of Christ, not bread

Attend any Mass in Great Britain and the chances are that you will see blatant disregard for the normal proprietaries of behaviour when in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.

The major breaches of protocol for me are the loud chatterings before Mass, no genuflections, strolling across the sanctuary with no regard for dress or manner and a general air of disinterest.

What is that symptomatic of?

A loss of belief in the True Presence, a disregard for the authority of the Holy Father and ignorance of the teachings of Christ.

So, just as we have a renewal of our Baptismal vows why not instigate an annual renewal of our "Faith" in the form of a pledge of obedience.

Who would not wish to align themselves with Church teaching and the Holy Father by the annual renewal of their "Faith" vows?

This is my stab at how they might appear:

"I pledge my belief that the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God is truly present under the appearances of bread and wine.

I believe in the authority of the Holy Father (Pope Benedict XVI) and undertake to follow his guidance and counsel at all times.

I undertake to always give due reverence when in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament whether revealed or in the tabernacle.

I remember that this church is, at all times, the House of Almighty God and must be treated as such"

Hmm, I know we say as much in the Credo each week but by renewing this on a once a year basis maybe, just maybe, it would impact on the masses - and the Masses.

There are old Catholics and there are bold Catholics......

......but there are no old, bold Catholics.

I'm sorry to snaffle the old aviation joke but it rings true for the state of the Catholic laity today.

A phenomonen occurred in the wake of Vatican II; seemingly orthodox and conservative Catholics became, within ten years, rabid left wing liberals.

They embraced the new religion much as, in Reformation times, the population embraced Protestantism.

The mantra went up a la Animal Farm, 'New good, old bad' and that has now become so embedded in the liberal psyche that many modern Catholics will challenge the Holy Father and Church Doctrine on all matters that, fifty years ago, would have been obediently accepted.

Old Catholics at Mass

Two comments that I have heard in the past couple of years from liberal Catholics;

"I don't like the Pope"  and, "The Pope's an idiot"

Both are unacceptable and the latter is most certainly untrue. But what is it that provokes such antipathy?

We could now debate the decline in moral values and increase of relativism but that is not really my point. The fact is that those who stand up for the Faith today are not the children of the sixties but the new generation; children of the 80s and 90s.

Modern Catholics at Mass

(Latin Mass Society picture)

Look at the increase in home schooling and then look at the average home schooling family; young, traditional and loyal to the magisterium.

Look at the 70 and 80 year old liberals and you see bitterness, regret, paranoia and the sins of Adam and Eve reflected in their faces; pride, envy and jealousy of God. All are gateways to disobedience.

And, most poignant of all, it is those who follow the liberal theology who are now classed as old fashioned and outdated.

Dancing on the sanctuary, standing to receive in the hand, obliteration of the Sacrament of Confession, chattering in Church, extraordinary ministers - all look as topical as flared trousers and men's ponytails.

Reverence, humility, obedience and the old rite of Mass are all cutting edge.

Ten things you can do to make God laugh

1. Invest in a ten year life annuity scheme

   2. Become a life long member of Friends of the Earth

   3. Plea bargain with Him (“I’ll be a better person blah blah if you grant me 

       my request etc)

  4. Pray with your arms in aeroplane mode

  5. Enthuse over Darwin’s Theory of Evolution

  6. Tell Him that He is Mother as well as Father

  7. Ask Him to look after your faithful dog Rover who has just departed this

      earth

  8. Tell Him you will be a better person in a few years time

  9. Take a guitar to Mass

  10. Start stocking up on essential supplies with the great chastisement in mind

Was Queen Elizabeth the first Liberal Catholic?

I mean, of course, Queen Elizabeth the First, who reigned from 1533 to 1603.

Dubbed The Virgin Queen and Good Queen Bess, she was far from good to the Catholic Church but it was only when re-reading Waugh's 'Edmund Campion' that the analogy between Liberal Catholicism and her reign began to emerge.

Priests dismissed and then persecuted, the Mass altered beyond all recognition, sanctuaries hacked around and altars replaced with tables, holy statues and ornaments removed and destroyed.....this also happened during Queen Elizabeth's reign!

Warped humour to one side, I justify my view by the following points:-

1. First and foremost, Queen Elizabeth "changed" her religion, she moved from a Catholic faith to a neo Protestant one - much as, in the years after Vatican II, the clergy and laity all swung towards a "Protestant" style of Mass and Church music.

2. Churches and chapels throughout the land were re-shaped in order to accord with the "new religion" - altars were broken up, communion rails removed......ringinig any bells?

3. QE1 also was careful to retain certain elements of Catholicism with her new faith and, for some years, the traditional priestly vestments were used while, at the same time, those Bishops of traditional bent were selectively disposed of and some 500 priests followed in their wake. Has anyone quantified the number of priests who "disappeared" in the decade post 1970? It would be an interesting exercise.

4. And, of course, the Latin Mass was declared illegal under Elizabeth; I seem to recall some Bishops in the 1980s saying precisely the same thing.

5. The Virgin Queen rewarded her followers well and gave them positions of some importance. How the Parish Council syndrome flourished post Vatican II with parishioners with traditionalist leanings being "drummed out" of all parish affairs.

6. Under Elizabeth, whole libraries were ransacked and burnt with the rich history of the Catholic Faith held within them. And now, over the past thirty years or so the same thing has happened in seminaries and convents throughout the country. All that had a traditional imprint was removed and burnt, yes, burnt!

 I have a friend who dealt in Catholic books and he told me that the libraries he was invited to place a bid for inevitably only held books from the 1950s onwards. And when he would enquire if the monks or nuns had any older works they would tell him that they had put the lot on a bonfire and that it was all out of date anyway - you see?

7. And what did Elizabeth do to the Catholic devotions of the time; the Rosary, Benediction, Stations of the Cross? She, to use a technical term, binned them along with fasting and penance and confession.
This proto Liberal Catholic has been feverishly copied as, even in this Benedictine era, you will be hard put to find more than 2 out of every ten parishes offering a Forty Hours devotion or a Sunday afternoon Benediction. As for confession, well who goes to that any longer?

8. Finally, we come to the ultimate triumph of Elizabeth's "liberal" standpoint; the destruction of reverence for the Blessed Sacrament. Under her hand the act of Holy Communion became a basic sort of ploughman's lunch, nothing sacred, just an act of remembrance, not commemoration.
 Of course, it did not stop there, the Host as consecrated at a Catholic Mass was ridiculed and commonly called a "Round Robin" or "Jack in the Box."
It may appear a little harsh to lay claim to a link from those days to the present practice of receiving the Host by hand and without kneeling but there is little reverence shown today, even at some EF Masses.
Reception by kneeling and by mouth may be practiced but very often there is a casual element that goes beyond the acceptable. Men with their hands in their pockets, girls smirking to their friends and all strolling back from the communion rails as if they were going to the pub. Aimless and irreverent.
That has its roots in Elizabeth's attempts to impose personal spirituality rather than 'opening windows into men's souls'.
And, of course, the VII drive to make communicants stand and hold out their hands is just the logical evolution of her reign and its move to make a new religion that was dressed up, in parts, to be like the old and true one.

So, there you have it - Queen Elizabeth the First of England, and first of the Liberal Catholics!

Australia looms ever closer - both for Fr Ullathorne and me

Next week I shall (DV) arrive on Australia's sunny landmass to begin a four week break with my son and his family during which time I hope to take a gentle look at the faith in and around Melbourne.

A challenging territory for a
newly ordained priest

Almost 180 years ago a young Catholic priest made the same journey but it was by boat and he landed at Sydney, not Melbourne.

That young man, a mere 27 years of age, was none other than the future Archbishop Ullathorne, Catholic leader and theologian extraordinaire.

His role in Australia was that of Vicar General, a senior post working with and for the Bishop at the time, Bishop William Morris of New South Wales.

You can easily re-create the scenario of his arrival on the scene; a fresh faced priest barely out of seminary, sent to assume  jurisdiction over all of NSW- and an Englishman to boot!

Here is an account of how he was received by the Australian clergy and how, without any delay or prevarication, he assumed control and won their support - what a great man he was................

"...............I looked so youthful that the first language of Father Thierry, and even of his housekeeper, was naturally patronising; but after dinner I produced the document appointing me Vicar-General, with jurisdiction over the whole of New South Wales, as well as the rest of New Holland (Australia), after reading which Father Thierry immediately went on his knees.
This act of obedience and submission gave me great relief.
I felt that he was a truly religious man, and that half the difficulty was over.

At his invitation I went with him that evening to the house of a gentleman, where I found myself in company with precisely the three persons with whom it was represented to me in England that I should find my difficulty.

But, in fact, they were all very good men, and we became great friends.

Still I was internally amused, for they evidently took me for a raw College youth and I humoured the notion, and was told at a later time that after I had left they had talked of sending me to Bathurst, then the remotest part of the colony.

The next morning as I came from Mass in the little chapel, Father Thierry met me and said:
"Sir, there are two parties among us and I wish to put you in possession of my ideas on the subject"

I replied: "No, Father Thierry, if you will pardon me there are not two parties."

He warmed up, as his quick, sensitive nature prompted, and replied with his face in a glow:
"What can you know about it? You have only just arrived, and have no experience."

"Father Thierry," I said with gravity, "listen to me. There were two parties yesterday; there are none today. They arose from the unfortunate want of some person endowed with ecclesiastical authority, which is now at an end. For the present, in New South Wales, I represent the Church, and those who gather not with me scatter.
So now there is an end of parties"


Great words from a great leader but, after reading Kate Edwards post of today, I wonder at just what I will find (like Fr Ullathorne) on arrival in New Holland.

It appears as if Australia is in a more parlous spiritual state than Great Britain and even Cardinal Pell comes in for some criticism from Australia Incognita.

This will be my second visit so it will be interesting to see just what has changed in six years.

At least Melbourne Diocese has representation from the FSSP so there will be some recourse to spiritual replenishment and some post Lent refreshment of the other kind.

The smoke of Satan....."the rocks came from behind"

How often do we hear of Catholic persecution......coming from the ranks of our own laity, priests, nuns, bishops?

This wonderful priest, Fr Michael Rodriguez, himself no stranger to "rocks from behind" speaks about The Enemy Within....I was saving this for a post today but David Werling of Ars Orandi beat me to it so the hat tip goes in his direction.

Remember the old formula, one in twelve will be against Him!

It started with Judas.....

Being traditional is not the preserve of the Latin lovers

I speak, of course, as a Latin Mass lover myself. But, there is much more to traditionalism than just the Latin; equally, one can be traditionalist as an OF Mass goer.

Uh? Is this man contradicting himself? I do not believe so, read on and find out.

Here are ten outward signs of a traditionalist Catholic (leaving aside the all important magisterium, doctrinal and sacramental beliefs).

1. Attends Masses that are celebrated ad orientum

2. Is quiet and reverential in church

3. Only receives Holy Communion kneeling (if possible), by mouth and from a

    priest

4. Always addresses a priest using the 'Father' prefix (unless he is your

    brother).

5. Observes the abstinence from meat rule on Fridays (even though it is not yet

    obligatory).

6. Makes a three hour fast before receiving Holy Communion.

7. Prefers plainchant to "Shine, Jesus shine" type hymns

8. Attends Benediction whenever possible

9. Avoids Masses where guitars are played, altar girls present or the liturgy

    distorted in any way.

10. Welcomes the new translation.

This is not meant to be an exhaustive list......

One picture is worth a thousand words....

Now there has been some comment floating around about bloggers voicing facts instead of opinions. Well, I mean for all of my posts to be my opinions within a framework of the teachings of the Catholic Church. For example, it is not 'wrong' to receive Our Lord at Communion, standing and by hand. But it is irreverent and crass to do so. That's my opinion, it just happens to be the same as the Holy Father's!

Why are our seminaries also Woolly Mammoths?

Yes, frozen in time, lost in the mists of  50 years or so of history, the Catholic Seminaries are something of a shambles.

Please do not get me wrong. We have a small but growing population of good seminarians who have a taste for something more than guitars and tambourines on a Sunday; who want to do more than be jolly nice social workers and some who even wish to fulfil their vocation by merging into diocesan life and organising their parish.

But...do they want to save souls? That is what a priest is meant to do. Save the sinners, bring back the lapsed, counsel the Godly ones, rebuke the twittish ones but, in all things work towards the salvation of his flock.

What do they need in order to be good shepherds? Well, they need an orthodox outlook to begin with and they need to have some backbone and integrity. And it would help them in their role immensely if they were finally able to celebrate both forms of Mass.



Does this ring any err....bells?

If so, you're out!

 Why? Well, Father Christopher Smith on Chant Cafe has a very good post on the matter so please take a look; I do not think even the pinkest of limp wristed Catholics could find too much to object to there.

Sadly, we are led to believe that many young men who apply to their bishop as candidates for the priesthood are sunk before they begin if the review panel or Studies Director gets a sniff of anything like incense about their person.

If I was 20 years of age and believed that I had a vocation I would have no truck with what is generally on offer. Can you imagine being a closet traditionalist in the midst of a bunch of liberals, many of whom being, allegedly, homosexual in orientation?

I would hie me to the nearest FSSP or ICKSP PDQ!

That is, perhaps a message that those in charge of the seminaries might like to ponder upon. If they continue in their 1960s style of religious education they are going to drive more and more potential priests into the arms of the traditional seminaries.

What Father Smith concluded in his post was that there should be room for both forms of the Mass to be part of the everyday liturgy. That I believe is right (even though wild elephants could not drag me to an OF Mass as it is normally celebrated). But by dismissing those orthodox men the modern seminaries are closing the freezer door on themselves and electing to remain Woolly Mammoths.

Roll on climate change!

HOW DO YOU RATE AS A CATHOLIC?

Just what sort of a Catholic are you?

Fill in this self-assessment form to find the answer…….

Q1. It is the beginning of the Offertory do you……

a)     Have an overwhelming desire to rush up to the sanctuary and perform an
    elaborate liturgical waltz?    *

b)     Start fumbling in your pocket looking for the smallest denomination coin available?    *

c)      Commence silent preparations for the

     moment of consecration?  *

Q2. Your CD selection in your car comprises…….

a)     ‘Shine Jesus shine’ and other modern hymns for ecumenical swingers   *

b)     Charlotte Church singing ‘Ave Maria’  *

c)      Plainchant  *

Q3.  There’s a knock on your door and it’s a Baptist Minister looking for converts. Do you………….

a)     Give him a hug and tell him we are all one in the brotherhood of man?  *

b)     Tell him you are house sitting for a friend?  *

c)      Involve him in a debate on the one true Church?  *

Q4. You meet your local PP in the supermarket and he’s dressed in three quarter length jeans with a suede jacket. Do you….

a)     Wave and call out “Hi Jimmy”?  *

b)     Ask him where he bought the suede jacket?  *

c)      Remind him that there is a requirement for a priest to wear clerical dress on such occasions and that, anyway, his dress sense is crap?  *

Q5.  It’s Sunday and you are ill in bed. A knock at the door reveals an
       EMHC bringing you Holy Communion. Do you………………

a)     Say ‘Come on up’ and hold out your hand?  *

b)     Call out that you have bubonic plague and that it may be catching?  *

c)      Ask him/her to first hear your confession?  *

Q6. Your PP announces that he is going to hold a ‘Clown Mass’ to bring in more
people and make the Mass more inclusive. Do you…..

a)     Look out your old Coco the Clown outfit?  *

b)     Tell him that you are coulrophobic ? *

c)      Thumb through the Catholic Directory to look for another

Parish?  *

Q7. You are asked to write an article about your hobbies/interests for the parish mag. Do you…….

a)     Submit a fascinating thesis on why you believe that women   
       should be priests?  *

b)     Draft out 500 words on your stamp collection?  *

c)      Write how you first became interested in burning heretics?  *

Q8.   EWTN are running an amazing series on Catholic dishes that take 
         minutes
          to prepare. Do you…….

a)     Set your TV selection to come on at the right day and time?  *

b)     Switch to Rick Stein’s Far East Odyssey?  *

c)      Go down the pub?  *

Q9. You notice a pile of copies of The Tablet (NCR) at the back of the
       Church.
       Do you…..

a)     Eagerly put some cash in the box and walk out with a copy?  *

b)     Look around to see if The Catholic Times is available?  *

c)      Pick up all copies of The Tablet and bin them?   *

Q10. The Bishop writes you a letter inviting you to sit on a Diocesan 
         Advisory
         Panel. Do you…….

a)     Suffer a bout of incontinence and hastily hand deliver a
       letter of acceptance?  *

b)     Reply stating that you would be most honoured?  *

c)      Faint?  *

SCORING:

All a)s count as five points, b)s as ten and c)s as fifteen –

Now, if your score was in the range of 50 to 80 please
take a seat while I tell you that you really belong in a happy
 clappy new age sort of church. You don’t have the foggiest
 idea as to what the Catholic Church is about and you
have no intention of finding out but you do enjoy self
indulgence. Recommended treatment: A 2 week retreat
on Papa Stronsay and flagellation twice daily.

If you scored over 80 but below 140 you definitely fall
into the CINO category (Catholic In Name Only). You
sit on the fence whilst going through the motions of
 loyalty to the Magisterium, you probably read
Mgr Basil Loftus and your favourite tipple would
be Shandy Lite!

140 plus and you are definitely on the right track
although it may not feel like it most of the time.
You actually relish attending Mass and yearn for
Benediction more than only when there is an ‘r’ in
 the month.

You drink either red wine or Reverend James Bitter
 (OK, any real ale) and you punctuate a conversation
 with phrases such as ‘diochronicity’ ‘supernatural
 existential’ and ‘the hermeneutic of continuity’.

And if you score 150! You are truly one of the
 extraordinarii!

I know we are Holy, Catholic and Apostolic but are we one?

I am of course, talking about the Ordinary Form of Mass and the Extraordinary Form of Mass. Some people have commented to say that they do not like labels and that a Catholic is a Catholic is a Catholic.

I disagree. And here is the point where I state that I have nothing against those who adhere to the OF Mass or, indeed, those who have no choice in the matter as no EF Mass is available. Both forms of Mass are valid and my only grouch is that there appears to be a wholesale prejudice against the EF one. But, I do believe that OF and EF Catholics are two different animals; to say we are one is like saying that a plum is the same as a pineapple. Both are fruit but one is much larger and more sustaining than the other  very different from the other.

Are you perhaps a plum?

Or are you a more sustaining
and substantial type of fruit?

Here are a few of the distinctions between us.....this may appear trite, it is not exactly a theological argument but I believe that it holds true....

Followers of the OF Mass :-

1. Talk loudly both before and after Mass (and sometimes during)
2. Generally regard the Mass as the fulfilment of their weekly duties
3. Are not interested in debating religious issues after Mass
4. Claim loyalty to the Holy Father but then decry doctrinal issues such  
    as Purgatory, Sin and the evils of abortion, euthanasia 
    and homosexuality
5. Accept female altar servers, Extraordinary Ministers, reception by hand
    and standing, folk Masses, priests in funny vestments, liturgical
    titivations
6. Often do not genuflect when entering or leaving their pew
7. Like to call their priest 'Jim' or 'Craig'
8. Cannot stand Latin
9. Have no dress code for Mass
10. Do not regard wilful missing of Sunday and Holiday obligations as
      being  a mortal sin


And what about us Traditionalists or, as I prefer to say, Extraordinary Catholics.......what do we stand for? Of course, it would be glib to say the opposite of the above, although, in truth, that is really it; so I have compiled a top ten list that defines the EF Mass follower:-

 1. Hold to reverence and modesty in Church
2. Like Plainchant and other good sacred music
3. Believe that Benediction is an essential part of liturgical practice
4. Holy Communion is only received from a priest, kneeling and by mouth
5. Priests are treasured and referred to as 'Father' or 'Father Michael'
6. Loyalty to the Magisterium is paramount
7. Have a good knowledge of the faith
8. Abstain from meat on Fridays (don't we all now?)
9. Do not like the dialogue form of the Latin Mass
10. Attend the Tridentine Latin (EF) Mass whenever possible

Now some of you will say that you do both; fine, but remember this is a generalisation and it is also my own personal standpoint. I am ambivalent towards liberal Catholics, I do not attack them verbally and I do not write letters to the Bishop about them (not as yet, anyway).
I am quite happy to leave them to plough their furrow of salvation while I plough mine.

But I do get a little upset when I am subjected to constant attack and detraction on their part. They cannot be sanguine with regard to the Latin Mass and its followers; they must whisper and whinge at all things traditional.
An elderly Monsignor who once regularly celebrated a Sunday afternoon EF Mass in his parish used to cheerfully bemoan the fact that he had to write a different sermon for the traditionalists; "They want something deeper and more theological than my morning parishioners" He used to say.
And that perhaps encapsulates it neatly, we followers of the Extraordinary Form seek a deeper link with the time of Christ that comes only from the Roman Rite of the Latin (EF) Mass and the hermeneutic of continuity.

If you see nothing wrong with this picture
you are definitely a plum!

The identity of the mystery writer is revealed....

Did you guess correctly? No? Well, it's hardly surprising really because the style and direction of this writer appears to have changed over the years and morphed from a semi traditional Catholic viewpoint to an all embracing liberal one...I hope I am not being unfair to.....you know who!

Well, I shall put you out of your misery and whisper in hushed tones the name of our mystery guest, it is none other than......Joanna Bogle!

Did you catch that?


No? Well here it is a little louder....JOANNA BOGLE!

Mrs Bogle appears to fall into the same category as Marmite, she is either loved or less loved but generally today she is loved by the liberal lobby and avoided by those who love the tradition of the faith.

Mind you, the article that I posted yesterday does reveal a much more orthodox woman than we perhaps see today.

And now, I have received some gentle criticism for the way that I have treated Mrs Bogle in the past so I would like to put my feelings on record.
She is not my cup of tea and I have criticised the way in which she appears to only select glowing comments to feature on her blog...I may be doing her an injustice but I think that to do such a thing is, shall we say, a little not quite correct (I am choosing my words carefully).
I also believe that Mrs Bogle is a professional journalist and is used to accepting both good and bad comments without sobbing into her pillow every night. She certainly will not be losing any sleep over any remarks that I have made, she is much too sensible for that.
One critic claims that my attitude to her is because she is a woman and I am a man...hmm, that does not really deserve a response so I shall only state that such a thing is risible!

Of one thing I am certain, Mrs Bogle will continue unimpeded by her critics and more power to her elbow. The world would be a duller place without a little dissent.
There is quite a full debate on her on James Preece's blog.

No longer 'liberal' or 'modernist' they are 'entertainers'!

I have been informed that the British Gas Call Centre in Cardiff (Capital City of Wales for my US friends) is the largest in Europe, employing over 1500 people to sit and speak to customers non stop for X number of hours each day.

British Gas Call Centre Cardiff - a hard way to earn a living!

It is a hard way to earn a living and, it transpires that the Call Centre has not been doing too well of late. Staff turnover was a staggering 67%, average length of waiting time for a customer to speak to an operator was in excess of 2.5 minutes....hard for citizens of the USA to comprehend, used as they are to exceedingly high levels of service.
In Japan, a shop assistant or hotel clerk will actually run to you rather than keep you waiting...but I digress.


So, British Gas took a long, hard look at their operation and re-jigged it to make it more efficient.
Part of this exercise involved identifying customers by giving them a category according to their approach. In this way, they were able to immediately assess a caller and 'stream' them into a pathway that was ideally suited to their needs.
How did they identify them? By their characteristics.
So, a demanding and authoritarian voice was nominated as a "Controller", a whimsical, imprecise voice was an "Entertainer" and a sensible, clearly defined voice became a "Thinker".  I think I recall the advertising agents, Young and Rubicam doing a similar sort of socio economic type of profiling back in the 60s - back then they had "Crusaders" as one of the categories - the remainder are locked irretrievably in the grey blob within my skull commonly referred to as my brain.


So, let's apply this to the Catholic faithful shall we? Is that just too naughty of me?
I think that the extreme right wingers, the SSPXrs that segment who eschew any dealings with Rome; they are definitely "Controllers." The extreme left, on the other hand, the liberal, modernist 'pick 'n' mix' Catholics, they are the "Entertainers" (of course), and that just leaves the sensible, Traditional lobby as "Thinkers" - job done! Of course, I fall into the latter category...
.......did I forget to say that smugness is another characteristic of the "Thinker?"


And, finally, just to finish off on the British Gas front. After making these changes their staff turnover dropped to 13% and customer waiting time shrank to 7 seconds. That's what happens when you employ a consultant!

"...a liberal by any other name may smell so sweet..."

We Catholics use tags to describe each other according to where we stand in respect of the Church and I am probably more guilty than most. They used to say, in Northern Ireland during the peak of the terrorist activity, that, strangers sitting opposite one another on a train would commence a polite conversation whose sole purpose, in its early stages, was to determine whether they were speaking to a Tadhg (Catholic) or a Prod (Protestant). Once these facts had been established the conversation could take a more general note but always avoiding the possibility of broaching a subject that might have been offensive to one's travelling companion. It was a form of acute courtesy.

So how should we describe one another? Take a look at a few of the options on offer:-

Liberal, Traditionalist, Modernist, Orthodox, Right wing, Left wing, Conservative.....

...plus many more besides.

It would be good, I feel, if we had courtesy tags so that any potential for offence is removed. The trouble is...where does one start?
I am happy with Orthodox Catholic as being descriptive of where I stand in the faith. That is, totally true to the teachings of the faith and the Holy Father.

But what do you feel?  Do you have a tag that you would like to put forward?  (no abuse please).
Does the camp divide into just Liberal and Orthodox? Or are there more compartments that need tagging? Or perhaps we should chuck all current tags out of the window and go for something totally off the wall...like......mmm.....dangerous territory, any suggestions?