After Christmas Mass in a Protestant Liberal Catholic church I picked up a copy of the parish newsletter on the way out.
I like to see what is going on in mainstream Catholicism in the same way that I like to remind myself that eating large quantities of saturated fat clogs up the arteries and leads to a premature death!
One feels most virtuous at shunning things that are bad for one's health, like Krispy Creme Doughnuts and liturgical dances.
So, on scanning this exciting bit of puffery, my eyes ran down the rota of duties within the parish. You know the sort of thing, "Wednesday afternoon, church cleaning managers will be Mrs Beryl Equal-Opportunities and Mr Mustapha Reception-Byhand".
The list covered not only cleaners but also servers, "Ministers" (by which was meant Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion), readers and welcomers.
Come again?.......Welcomers?.......Welcomers?
What on earth are ****bleep**** Welcomers when they are at home?
I have never come across this designation before; I know about The Borrowers; possibly The Welcomers are little mouse sized folk who live in the Poor Box at the back of the church?
My mind runs riot (it's a wonder that it can run at all these days).
When you arrive for Mass are you perhaps met by a phalanx of professional leerers who mutter things like "Welcome to St Cheryl's, pleased to meetcha!"
Do they have to undergo any form of training for this highly demanding task? Do they perhaps have to pass a leer test?
Or practice shaking hands with a lettuce leaf?
It all sounds rather tempting and I rather fancy myself at being a Welcomer.
My wife tells me often that I have a most attractive leer.
Is there any money in it I wonder?
I shall have to go into training......"Farewell my dears, so very nice to have made yer acquaintance I'm sure! So pleased to have metcha!"
I like to see what is going on in mainstream Catholicism in the same way that I like to remind myself that eating large quantities of saturated fat clogs up the arteries and leads to a premature death!
One feels most virtuous at shunning things that are bad for one's health, like Krispy Creme Doughnuts and liturgical dances.
So, on scanning this exciting bit of puffery, my eyes ran down the rota of duties within the parish. You know the sort of thing, "Wednesday afternoon, church cleaning managers will be Mrs Beryl Equal-Opportunities and Mr Mustapha Reception-Byhand".
The list covered not only cleaners but also servers, "Ministers" (by which was meant Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion), readers and welcomers.
Come again?.......Welcomers?.......Welcomers?
What on earth are ****bleep**** Welcomers when they are at home?
 |
| "Welcome to Mass, friends, good to meet you in the...flesh?" |
My mind runs riot (it's a wonder that it can run at all these days).
When you arrive for Mass are you perhaps met by a phalanx of professional leerers who mutter things like "Welcome to St Cheryl's, pleased to meetcha!"
Do they have to undergo any form of training for this highly demanding task? Do they perhaps have to pass a leer test?
Or practice shaking hands with a lettuce leaf?
It all sounds rather tempting and I rather fancy myself at being a Welcomer.
 |
| The model leerer - "Benvenuto Bambini!" |
Is there any money in it I wonder?
I shall have to go into training......"Farewell my dears, so very nice to have made yer acquaintance I'm sure! So pleased to have metcha!"
No comments:
Post a Comment